So I am kind of an Enigma. For those of you who need a definition... it is "A Person Who Is Difficult To Understand." I like to write suicide notes just me. But I thought On Another Platform in Like For "I Love You" I'd Write "ILY" for example. I made it difficult for people to understand but I gave hints on two i believe but one was basic called easy YADTM is what I put. I heard that my family has been spreading rumors about each other since the day I was born. like I am not my fathers child etc. DNA tested that while my parents were getting divorced witout my mom knowing... and depressingly I am, but at the same time I'm not. He moved on after the years of torment and wrote us out of his will. I plan to sue the estate one way or another and get what i deserve after every type of abuse I had to put up with. Which was basically all of them mostly from my father and one from someone who I thought cared about me and would never lie to me. I always did have a feeling and I should've just went with it and left. Because of everything I've been through. I was dx'd Aspergers, OCD, 3 Types of Anxiety Disorder (Severe) PTSD, Depression, and now I wonder if any of you had adverse effects to do with meds. I don't want you to name them just tell me if any of you developed pain in your left hand on your left two fingers that can come and go with stress and/or strain. I was told to go off an ADHD Medication because I couldn't tolerate it, so i was un-Dx'd ADHD but I have a feeling I still have learning issues or it could be the Aspergers (Thoughts on that appreciated also.) I am also permanently unable to work and qualified for a lifetime of a disability thing because of that unless requested for more information by me and my doctor. Getting back to the main point now. I stopped the medication and within a week I was withdrawing. Within 1/2 a week of that i developed hand pain. It was pain-killer-based (acetametaphine) however you spell that sorry. I am going into my doctor to be sure this is normal but I was told that my prescription was cancelled because of the side effects, and I had no way to get on it again to help ease my symptoms until I see my doctor at the end of June. Just to let you know I am okay after writing the suicide notes. It's oddly like therapy to me but I am going to see if the platform is able to decipher my code. I am not suicidal now but highly stressed and I had a mental PTSD breakdown literally... two days ago BIG TIME. Ever since that i've had trouble recovering and I know I need to switch from Risperidone to another medication to help with PTSD. I heard Abilify has worked wonders on PTSD patients in recent studies and thought about going on a study for that. I am already donating my brain to Science and my organs to other people. We won't need them and some one who wants to live may need the,m when we're gone. I just don't have the strength to be a living donor for some reason. i'm afraid of surgery. Never want to have surgery in my LIFE. Anyways. I am going to go to my doctor and talk to her about this but any thoughts could help me explain this to her. PS if you wonder why i have PTSD I was in two car accidents, abused in every way shape and form. Bullied. Alone. Family Drama. Finding out a family member was dead on TV. Friend Committed Suicide. I could go on and on, but I am getting anxious so I better stop. Goodbye and I look forward to your feedback on anything I discussed here. Thank you in advanced.
welcome. you have a lot of thoughts going on here. myself, I don't take meds at all and wont, so no feedback there. if writing the notes helps you keep it up. I also think a diagnosis is not near as important as a plan to deal with what is going on
While I have no exp w Aspergers, I do have everything else you've mentioned, including being left out of my father's huge will! I too suffer SEVERE suicidal ideation when my mania subsides. And unfortunately I know how it feels like your skin is melting off your skull like a Picasso painting when you stop taking meds cold turkey. I been on my journey a long time. In my state (FL), I have learned how to get in to see a psychiatrist w/in 24 hours. I pack my little pink overnight bag n check myself into psych ward. When I finally get a bed, I go to nurse's station, tell them I've been VOLUNTARILY admitted, and fill out their form to be released w/in 24 hours. Here it is mandatory that you see the doctor in the same 24 HR period. Unfortunately I gotta spend the night. But the doctor's always see the new patients first when they make their rounds. So tell your doc everything, tell them what you NEED (is meds etc). Before you go please him/her to get ur discharge ready. Keep pestering nurses and you shld b out by noon! THAT is how to get a Dr's attention immediately! DO NOT WAIT FOR JUNE! Also, I tried to contest a ridiculous will. I made myself so crazy sick, I had to be Baker Actd the HARD way. Yikes. Keep in touch...and SOOOO glad ur here. SG is an invaluable resource that keeps me walking in the right direction - not running circles chasing my tail. Lol
Hey sorry. Family issues. Will post about that after. I was able to get in on May 28th as a on-call type thing. I don't personally like hospitals because I've never had a great experience. The last time I went they said my mom has anxiety issues... she yelled at them thinking it was a heart attack and while I was waiting... a guy collapsed dead on me. They had me do a statement, and it was a whole thing. Given the social anxiety they had to call in a support dog for help. Then there was the car accident, the (I feel sorry for her) Mentally Ill chick who stole my stuff after discharge. They brought my stuff back destroyed. I-pod... Phone... Clothes... A Head phone cord she tried to kill herself with. etc... and she was sadly sent away from her family into a permanent home because she was so sick which I DO NOT BLAME HER FOR. But it scared me. Then there was my Grandpa dying in Cranbrook or Kelowna. We're not sure. The battle after that for his personal items for 10 YEARS ect... so i just don't like hospitals and I live in Red Deer. It takes (if they say 1 1/2-2 hours) expect to be waiting and treated for about 4-6 hours, and they don't have any beds for mentally ill people ever. I tried once or twice and they laughed it off and said go home. Not the first story of that happening here either and not many lived the next 24 hours. So you see why I like my doc over anything despite waiting until May or June. I can get in get out and that's it. Even if I wait a month. My psychiatrist is accusing of lying about her so that's off the table now. No good mental health pros in Red Deer. I can't drive so another place isn't an availability. So until then. I love your support and send my love to you... but I just can't deal with Sirens and Hospitals. (PTSD). But I totally see what you mean. If they provide better help I'll consider the hospital, but not now. Posting myother thing now. Thanks for your help :)
@KR185 Wow! You are so brave! You have a lot of stuff going on right now…and HERE you are, doing the right thing by speaking honestly on this forum SG. I know it can be difficult waiting for Drs, a hosp bed, and help. It sounds VERY chaotic. Is there any way you can maybe prioritize your issues/problems… Like writing a list of the five worst things that you’d like to change. Then maybe someone here can give thoughtful solutions that might work for you. Writing it down might help calm your mind by occupying your overwhelmed thought processes. Might help!!!
@p1bird I could prioritize as a self management technique for now. Great advice. I'd say my health is #1 my time to relax is number 2 and as a third I'd say trying to be more productive in a positive way number 4 would be my cats and number 5 would be gardening. There we go I will focus on those things not in that order but those are 5 things I will focus on now. Thanks :) It just calms me down you know.
@p1bird sorry and the worst 5 would be my health, my cleanliness issues, my anger issues, my spinning head if you know what I mean, and also my newly found impatience. Great advice I think I doubled that but oh well. Yin and Yang Right?