So the birthday of the person who sexually abused me when I

So the birthday of the person who sexually abused me when I was younger is coming up, not to mention he is my cousin and he has passed away. When I was on the phone with my mother she said his name and asked me did I remember what day his birthday was on. I immediately wanted to cry but I held back the tears. And I just really wish I had someone to talk to about this. Sometimes I can’t even go to sleep because my mind is constantly bringing up all of the things he did to me.

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Does your mon know what your cousin did to you? Is she someone you could talk to about this? If not, have you thought about seeing a therapist? I think having someone you can talk through this with would be very beneficial for healing.

@mybeach Hi, my mother does not know, I don’t think that I am ready to tell her yet because it was very hard on my mother and my aunt when he passed away. So i feel like if I tell her now she may not believe me because he is not on this earth to defend himself even though I know what he did to me. Also yes I have been looking for a counselor now but it’s so hard because I don’t even know where to start or what type of counselor to look for. Thank you for replying to my post I thought no one would care if I posted this.

Yikes! The mental torture can be so painful. Def find a trusted friend or therapist that you can talk things over with might be super beneficial. For me, my coping mechanism was "out of sight, out of mind", but that tended to be only a short term band-aid. In the interim if you don't have the ability to chat with someone soon, at least coming on here is helpful but have you thought about writing your cousin a letter in a journal or just plain letter form. Doing this allows you to have an outlet to get out all of the things you want to say in privacy as well as having a place to park all the thoughts, words, emotions etc... it can be very therpeutic. I hope you find solace soon my friend.

@RoseyViolet hi, I used to talk to my best friend about this but I feel like she doesn’t care anymore because everytime I tried to tell her how I was feeling or that I needed to see someone about my feelings she would always put her situation over me. I feel like she’s not being as supportive as I am to her. I will definitely try to journal but it’s going to be very difficult because he’s done a lot to me and it wasn’t just a one time thing but I will do my best. Thank you for giving me advice