So this story is probably not a new one, but I thought I'd share my struggle. 31/m. I am a 'calorie counter', not necessarily a dieter, though perhaps they are one in the same. I've always been somewhat obsessive when it comes to numbers and statistics, so keeping track of calories, macronutrients, etc. played perfectly into my existing proclivities. When it's going good, I feel great! I'll stay under my number for a few days in a row and seemingly be getting into a rhythm before I inevitably falter and binge. For example, today I had a 2-cup serving of soup from a batch I had made a few days before. Being that there was less than a full serving leftover, I figured I may as well just finish it. Having ate too much soup I figured since I'm already off track I may as well graze. So I had a bagel. And then some tortilla chips. Lots of tortilla chips. I worked hard to lose a good deal of weight over the last few years, though it didn't help me to feel any better about my appearance. I was getting into competitive running and that was lifting my spirits to new heights. Then I injured my leg. So between injury, weight loss plateau, an inability to run like I had been and a maintained lack of physical self-esteem, it's easy to understand why I'd be inclined to binge eat the same way another person might self-harm by cutting. I'm not expecting to remedy deeply rooted psychological issues on a public support forum, but can anybody offer advice of any kind? Tips or tricks? Keeping carby and salty snacks out of the pantry is probably a good start!
I've struggled with binge eating since I was a teenager so I understand what your going through. The best advice I can give you is keep your "trigger foods", those are the foods you crave when you do binge, out of your house. If you get the urge to binge keep your hands busy, I journal my thoughts, paint, and write poetry. If those don't work then I binge on zero calorie foods like carrots and celery because they will give my stomach the feeling of being full without the guilt and extra calories. The other thing you can do is drink water until the feeling passes even if you have to drink ten glasses...keep doing it until the feeling passes. I hope this helps.
Most eating disorder experts counsel those of us with eating disorders to stop calories counting, and reading food labels for other nutrient information. They recommend that we eat a well balanced diet, while avoiding compulsive calorie counting etc. Like a lot of us, you tend to have some "all on nothing" thinking, so when you gain weight, you tend to binge. That stood out when you described your binge. You ate a little more soup, and you essentially said, I've blown it now so I might as well just continue to eat. If your healthy self were involved, you would have recognized that eating a small amount of additional soup was really o'k. (a shade of gray.) You're body would have easily dealt with less than 100 extra calories with no gain of weight. Instead, you rationalized the minor slip as a complete failure (all or nothing thinking.) and that thinking caused your binge. Recognizing that there are shades of gray and not just success or failure is realistic and a very important learning goal for you in life and for your eating disorder. Wishing you well.