It's strange...I'm eating the same amount of food as I usually do but my stomach is just really hurting after every meal. Overly full and uncomfortable. Not really hungry either....I don't like it :(
But I'm trying to push through it. I know it's probably just a phase. This is the first time in a while that I've gone 4 days on my gaining meal plans. Usually it's a 1 or 2 days, then one day of normal eating, maybe a day of restricting, back to gaining. I really want to get better now. I know it's not a permanent thing...just unfortunate.
On the plus side! Five things I am thankful for:
1) I tried strawberry cream cheese today and I loved it!
2) I got to surprise my boyfriend during his break camp counseling
3) Both my dog and cat cuddling on the couch with me this morning
4) Going out tonight to see a movie --> The Other Guys...looks very funny!
5) Going for a nice walk in the sunshine
Paige xoxo
Well, I hope you are feeling better, but CONGRATS on sticking with your meal plan. That is HUGE! I am proud for you. I hope to be there one day! You are an inspiration. Also, it is so good that you are looking at the bright side although you are feeling crummy. That shows perseverance. Just keep pushing forward. I hope the movie is good and that you have a great walk. ENJOY!
Paige, I really understand and sympathize with where you are coming from, I have also found it really difficult to stick to the meal plan when Im feeling full and bloated and just not hungry. Sometimes the last thing you want to do is eat. BUT, as you said, it is a necessary requirement if you do want to fully get better and recover. What I did the other day to help me overcome the short term pain (the feeling full, bloated, yuck after meals) in order to achieve the long term gain = (recovery, happiness and freedom), was that I wrote a list of things that I had to look forward to when I was fully recovered and healthy. These were things like: a NORMAL appetite and digestive system which will allow me to be free to eat when I want and what I want, bigger boobs (YAY!), nicer and healthier hair, a healthy an happy glow, the ability to one day hve a family, daily energy and vitality, freedom, laughter, enjoyment of life including the enjoyment of food etc etc. I stuck this on my wall in my bedroom. Now everytime I get that bloated feeling and start thinking negative thoughts I go into my room and repeat to myself "this is just some short term discomfort for long term gain. What will I gain?" and then I list the things on my wall out loud and really THINK about them as Im saying them. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine these things, how they would feel once I had achieved them. Sometimes new ideas pop into my head and I add them to the list too. Ive only been doing this for a few days now, but it has really helped me. Maybe something you could try to? Let us know how you get on :-)
5 things Im grateful for today:
1) A nice warm flat (its winter here atm) with great flatmates
2) Our 2 week university holiday
3) A part-time job that not only pays my rent but that I actually enjoy most of the time
4) A family and a few friends that genuinely love me and support me
5) The fact I have a body with all of its parts in place and a body that WANTS to function well (and will if I continue to give it the right fuel that it needs)
Thank you Sarah for your lovely comments. The movie was quite funny and was a great way to end my evening :)
Simone, I love the way you think! One of the things I want most from beating this eating disorder is a regular digestive system...it's never been quite right since my ED began, and I went to using a herbal laxative daily to help...then abused it, and now I'm back to trying to get it down again. It's very painful at times and when I get backed up too much I usually just say uncle and take more laxative to help move things through.
I talked to my doctor and she said to try to reduce things monthly (so right now I take a certain amount of pills...next month I take decrease by one) to see how my digestive system takes it. But I fear I'm not strong enough for that, and I fear my body has become reliant on laxatives from all these years of using them. I even had troubles before my ED with digesting during puberty...my mom has irritable bowel syndrome. She suffers from quick digestion and I think I may suffer from slow...but that involves tests, yes?
But alas, if once through with this illness I still have digestive issues I hope to at least be able to use the laxative within reason, and incorporate foods into my diet that help with it.
I also wish for many of the things you do, such as laughter, happiness, a family, hehe bigger boobs :P I've noticed they've started growing and it's quite exciting! Daily energy is terrific! And I'm gaining more of it as I go! It's fantastic!! I'd also love to not have the ones I love always worrying about me, to love my body, have a good relationship with food, not constantly worry about meals, and most of all, respect my body. I've grown a liking to more meat on my bones, for bones alone are NOT attractive. I love that I see that.
I'm definitely going to make a list of all of this though...thanks so much!! :D I love your 5 things too :) Hope your holiday is going well! What do you do for your job? I'm a hostess at a restaurant (looking to quit though :P ...I want better hours)
Ooh! and finally: GO OUT AND BUILD A SNOWMAN!! :)
special...many great things in your writing! Thank you for sharing! Our bodies are pretty amazing in terms of healing, and I believe that your digestive system will normalize and heal. What you are experiencing right now is likely still adjustments to eating normally again. It does take time, and after using laxatives, it often takes more time, but not forever! The best thing is to keep going, because if you stop, you have to make it all up again, in terms of your system healing, and any weight that you may lose (or not gain). You may be experiencing some malabsorption issues. You can by enzymes to help with this...ask your pharmacist to help you. Papaya enzyme is also a great help for indigestion, and it's chewable, tastes good, and is safe!
Hang tight and NEVER GIVE UP!! Jan ♥