Hello Everyone,
This is a hard subject for me to write about. Before I begin let me fll you in a little about the past two years. Im 29 years old 2 years ago I divorced my musband of 7 years we were together for 13 and we have 3 kids together. I was put down and made to feel like a piece of **** my whole relationship, he was very controlling and the last straw was his alcoholism and violence. I began dating the man of my dreams 6 months later, we had been friends most of our lives, we moved in together and he has been amazing to my children and me ever since...except for one little problem. When we first got together I noticed he had some playboy mags in the bathroom, I didnt think much of it until I noticed they were a bit wet - with water - after he would shower. It began to bother me as I have the lowest self-esteem in the world. I asked him to dispose of them and he did explaining that he only used them to make him last longer with me. A few weeks later I made the mistake of wanting to talk about it and he said there was one more in the bedroom - a hustler though. He very kindly without me asking went and got it and threw it out. Ok so it was over right...NO I had a victorias secret on the counter I had gotton that day. the next morning I went to look at it and it was nowhere to be found. Long story short after lying he admited it was in the bathroom. I was devistated more because his first choice was to lie. Now this was all close to a year ago. We have since moved to a new home the beginning of this month. When we were moving I picked up a picture album that I grabbed from my ex's house with some very inapropriate and very graffic pics of naked woman in Sturgis. ( I took it to throw away and apparently it was never thrown away. I didnt want my kids to find it at my ex's. It was his brothers and he had moved out months before) Anyway I was looking through it cause there were pics of a friend of mine who had p***ed away and I noticed the dirty pics were gone. I confronted my boyfriend and he told me he had no idea why, a few hours later he told me he took them out so the kids wouldn't see them. Then I was over at our new house cleaning up and unpacking and I found in the top of our filing cabinet three crinckled up pics of a girl on facebook from TX. Three of the same pice with the head ripped out of one. Now he doesnt have FB and it clearly saud on the bottom, click here to join FB. I immediately think he is cheating, I call him and he has NO CLUE where they came from. A week later I am told the truth or his version of it. He said he did print them out one night when he was drunk, they were dated Sept. 27, 2010. Not knowing what to think I began googling what to do, in the mean time I came across HOT PICS OF SARAH PALIN on his f-ing computer. WTF!!!!!!!!! We spoke about all of this, he admitted he has a problem and swore he would stop! I have since not seen any evidence of anything bad. Now here is the thing, I have three kids, but I am 5'7" 124lbs. I wear a 34C I have modeled most of my life, I have had 2 opertunities to be in playboy! WTF why does he need other woman, I unfortunately know all of the girls he has slept with and all but one are very unatractive, I am truly not trying to be mean. I am a good person, I always give him back rubs, I cook for him every day, I do his laundry, I work my *** off! I am truly struggling to understand why he is doing this to me...please help!
cas,
first i want to congradulate you for getting outa your very unhealthy marriage for you and your kids. good job! it takes alot of courage to do what you did. plus i think it took courage to want to talk about what your going thru now. i have a couple of questions for you before i feel i can give any sort of, what i think, might be helpful advice. first does your new man take care of his part of the relationship? is loving towards you and your kids. spends quality time with you? is he a good father figure to your kids.? emotionally there for everyone basically, is he everything your ex wasnt?
Yes he is thats the thing an few of my friends think I should leave him, but he does treat me wonderful and my kids even better. He plays with than more than I do, he takes them places, teaches them things and always puts them first. I know he is a good man, but I am just so hurt by what he has done to me I feel betrayed. Maybe its just my self esteem and the fact that EVERY single man I have had in my life, husband, father, father figures have betrayed me.
Wow, this is an extremely hard situation to be in. First, I want to say good job getting out of an abusive relationship, that is extremely hard to do and SECOND!!
I want to say GOOD JOB for staying with a man who admitted he has a problem with looking at pornography. That takes a lot to do because I know several people who just walk away from those situations.
My belief is if he is willing to admit he has a problem, then he recognizes it. That is the first step to getting help. So I am proud of him for that.
What I think you should do is sit down and discuss what options he has for getting help with this problem. Maybe counseling, getting him involved in support groups, and trying doing it all cold turkey. Now I'm going to say something out of the GOOD in my heart even though it will not seem like it... there is a story to go with it.
My friend's boyfriend, who is also the father of their son, was caught cheating on her through a website called myyearbook.com, he would talk to girls on there, send and receive pictures of these girls, and possibly hook up with them even though he never admitted it. My friend believes he has stopped doing this... well I know for a FACT she is wrong, he just got new e-mails, made another account under a different name, and just hides it better.
Every time he gets caught, he tries to hide it better and better. That is my concern for you, but to me it seems like your significant other wants to stop deep down because he is living the evidence in places where it is easy to find. I think perhaps you two should sit down and discuss options to help him, and I think he needs your support through it and not anger even though it is hard not to get upset.
I wish you the best of luck in this situation and I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you through this response.
Hopefully he will get some help. I jsut left my x bf last year because of porn. I love being alone now,and that's amazing for me! I am learning to love myself and not put up with less than what i deserve now. ur inner guidance will tell u exactly what to do. TRUST yourself and LISTEN to ur inner voice, sweety. Blessings to you . I know ur pain. It sux and we struggle with esteem,so take care of urself..ok? He needs to make u feel important and #1 becausee u r #1...
thank you both so much. i am terrified he will do it again or worse cheat. I am trying to listen to my heart and it says that things will get better. i believe this because of how he expla things to e. he tolme that th this was a a habbit he had been doing for years. he is also a bit younger than me has never been with a woman with kids and has always been able to come and go as he pleases. he is very commited to me and doesnt even take off with friends. he is quiet the family man now. i hope things get better i have already been through so much as have my kids.
I feel the best thing for you to do is use good communication with your man. I am going through a relationship right now and we made it clear that we need open communication between the two of us. If something is wrong we want each other to be open and honest about what we are going through. Don't hesitate to ask the hard questions about what he is doing with those magazines. Also don't be afraid to tell him how you truly feel. Let him know your wants and your hurts before things blow up too big inside of you. Being real with your man is something that I have found very important with my girlfriend.