Surrounded by so many and yet, so utterly alone

I am a husband with a wife and children that love me dearly. Been married for years with no complications in the marriage. I have friends that I consider very near and dear to my heart. A small group, but a very supportive one. I am close with my siblings and parents and so on. Frankly, from the outside looking in, I have nearly no complications in my life. I would venture to say that I am proud to have the people around me that I do.
And yet, I feel so wickedly alone within myself… I feel worthless, un-acknowledged, inadequate and deeply in despair. I feel so removed from the world and I can’t wrap my head around why.
I have attempted to go see a professional, but it just felt empty. I sat in that chair and cried and expressed how I felt and when I looked up, I saw an older man with a calmness in his eyes writing on paper… I was just another cog in his machine. Another person to come through to help him earn his income. He didn’t care about my feelings. Honestly, why should he? He doesn’t know me and aside from it being his occupational duty, he has no reason to feel empathetic towards me. I realized at that moment that that was one of my issues. I didn’t feel like anything to anyone. I felt so removed from the world that I got up and walked out of the office telling the doctor that I didn’t think I could sit in that office any longer.
SO… here I am on an anonymous post just writing down my feelings. I am not sure why I am, to be honest. I don’t have any thoughts of self harm. No point in permanently removing myself from the world when I already know what it is like while I am alive… I might as well live anyways. So it isn’t like I am seeking people to talk me out of something like that.
Perhaps this is some sort of desperate attempt to feel… something? Whatever that may be? I don’t know…

1 Heart

Hi and welcome here. Im sorry you feel this way. I really feel like your in a deep depression and that is the culprit why you feel empty and alone. Get on amazon or walmart app and look into a lamp that gives off light for depression when you need more sun light. I call mine a therapy light. I got it at a medical supply store. Im sure the other apps it would be less expensive. Go under it every morning for an half hour or so. I go under for an hour. About one to two weeks you will start to feel more energy. Well you should. Do for six weeks if you feel more happy that would be great. If it doesn’t work you might need to go to a behavioral health clinic or a therapist who can if needed that can perscribe depression meds if they decide its warranted. Im not a doctor and this is only my opinion only. Another thing is taking vitamin D3 everyday it helps the mood plus you get your daily vitamin D. I take 2000 mg. Remember its my opinion only i dont know if you need any of this but its something that helps me for my depression. Hugs.

2 Hearts

@Katgurl’s suggestions and support are amazing and yes, lamps and supplements can help with depression. While you tried therapy once and it wasn’t a great fit, what we would recommend is to see a psychiatrist and discuss medication, not everyone is a candidate and sometimes you have to try a few, but medication can really help. Secondly, it is really hard to find a good counselor and therapist, so online options are really helpful since if you don’t mesh with one, you can move on to another. There are endless options, you just have to find the right one for you. We are so proud of you for reaching out. Please keep posting. -SG