Hey guys,
Recovery from an ED is not easy and I salute everyone on here brave enough to attempt to battle through it.
On my recovery trip, another thing I have learned about myself, is the life that I was living was not my own. The life that I was living was what I believed everyone expected of me.
To be funny, happy, social, easy going...these all seem like easy words right? And a good thing to be? But when you are trying to be all those things on other people's terms and not your own you are not being true to yourself.
I realised that one of the reasons my ED came out so strong was that feeling of guilt and shame that came with it, it allowed me to hide, i could hide away from the world because of the ED, because I couldn't actually deal with being a natural me.
At the moment I am finding who me is really...but there is a certain peace in that.
I realise I am not the "out every weekend" party-goer that I was under some illusion I should be because I'm 27 and single...that out every odd weekend is fine with me.
I am fun, and happy and do socialise with the people at work and i try and meet my friends as much as often at their houses...and because of all this I am much more easy-going...I have discovered...it is much easier being me, and a natural me, than anyone else.
Hope everyone is excited they are themselves, because it is a good place to be.
I am so thrilled by all of your realizations Moongal, that's absolutely incredible. You have made such huge strides in your recovery. I am so very proud of you and think that you are such a strong and amazing person.
Moongal....taking off the mask is critical for recovery, and maybe the most frightening part, when you get to the core of things. For many of us (most?) who have struggled and suffered with an eating disorder, it served us well as a way to hide....our emotions, our truth, our shame, and most of all, our feelings. 'Coming out' in a sense, taking that mask off, once and for all, is truly vital for true, full recovery!! Scary, but the only way to be free....thank you for this....Jan ♥
Hey Puppy and Janurse,
Ya it can be hard somedays. I especially used to use my ED to hide away from nights out, because the truth was I didn't want to go out and go drinking, but I would overeat until I couldn't move and then I would feel bad about myself and wouldn't go out.
i do still find that people do question why am I not heading out...it's like they find it completely weird to not go out every weekend, maybe it the social situation in Ireland. But I am happy to go out when I feel like it, I'm not scared to go out, and I'm not boring because I don't have to all the time, i'm just me, and I'm ok with that.
My therapist also asked me to stand in front of mirror maybe after a shower and look at myself and say...these are my legs, and they are ok...this is my tummy, and it's ok...etc...now that I don't know if i am ready for yet, but it's more an exercise in acceptance...I'll see how i get on:)
Anyway I'm still trying to figure out who me is...I don't know where this road is leading, but I'm really glad I'm on it.
this is such a wonderful post and it is incredible to know that no, i dont have to live FOR other people----i can live for me, not others or what THEY think....
Great post! You said everything so well. I do taht same exercise a few times a week but not in front of the mirror yet. I just go through each part in my head and picture it while I tell it I accept it. I dont believe what I am saying yet but I know I will eventually and you will too! Keep up the good work! Nicole
Hey,
Christa, ya exactly, you don't have to live for what other ppl expect from you, because if you think about it, lots of ppl expect different things from you and you can't be a million different things you can only be you, and once you start saying I am ok with doing this, not this, i am not feeling happy today so I'm not going to pretend I am, etc...all that weight is gone and you become a real you, therefore you become lighter and actually a lot happier in yourself, because you are only doing what is expected from you.
Thanks nicole, I still haven't done that yet, maybe visualising first maybe easier actually, might try that first. Couldn be easier. it is hard to believe what you are saying, I spend a lot of time to be honest trying to ignore my body, if that makes sense?
I hear you. I think I do that too. Its much easier than trying to accept it thats for sure. It will get easier for us. i know that much. I caught myself before saying something negative about my stomach today! We can do this! nicole
Thanks Nicole,
It's just all about acceptance. And no recovery isn't about waking up every morning and thinking wow I am fantastic in every way possible...but it is about just saying I am ok...just as I am...and others do accept me, just as I am.