This is really hard for me to say out loud let alone post on

This is really hard for me to say out loud let alone post online I was married for three years to an emotionally and physically abusive women. She threatened my life several times even attacked me with knives I hit it from everybody I was active duty in the military and couldn’t bear the thought of anybody finding out that it was happening to me. There was a specific situation where I had to hold her back from trying to get into my brother/roommates room to get his service revolver to either cause harm to herself or me with it. It was at that point that I accepted this is my lot in life and needed to get my friends and family as far away from this woman as I could so I systematically pushed away everyone that I loved every bit of support that I had in my life. Sure I was in love when we first got together and when the violence started I felt like I deserved it because of stuff that I had done. Another thing that was going on in the back of my head since I was raised in a Christian household was the divorce was not an option and I thought married life was just supposed to be unhappy. So I let this relationship go on the abuse go on until she finally filed for divorce and then she concocted all kinds of lies to try and get a domestic violence restraining order against me and I had never never once raised my hand to her yet I have scars from when she did to me. After I got out of that relationship I never talked about it to anyone at least how bad it was and then I got back together with my high school sweetheart we’ve been together now for five years we’re married but the way that I was conditioned by this terrible woman that was my ex-wife I feel like I’m gonna lose the actual love of my life because I don’t try I don’t wanna get hurt again any time that she gets upset or excited about something I cower and it makes her feel like a monster I just need some advice thank you for listening.

Have you talked to your wife about it? Maybe if she knew the story, she’d understand. I would just talk to her and explain how you feel.

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@cupcake520 I have only told her about a couple situations but I have been wanting to tell her more and I am going too it may not be comfortable for me to talk about but she is the one person in my life that I think will understand and won’t judge me.