Ever wonder what makes me stuff all that food into my body until I'm numb. It is like I have a physical aching hole in my heart...I can feel my eyes well up with tears, my brain races, but yet feels empty and my stomach is in knots.
My body is zapped of energy and I can't hold my head up anymore.
It's like I'm broken.
This is what it feels for me to be "strong" and sit through a "should be" binge. It almost feels like that pain you feel when you are mourning, so overwhellmingly emotional it is nearly physical.
I don't feel sorry for me as i type this. I feel sorry for my family who have to watch this pain I can feel in my eyes again and again and again. I am going to therapy tomorrow and I am so so hopeful that something can be done, I would nearly get down on my knees and beg. I am so desperate to be well.
Please, I want my life back, I don't want to be on this roundabout anymore. Something stop me running from the pain and stand before it and face it.
I wish everyone suffering from EDs a very successful recovery, you are in my thoughts and in my prayers.
And you are in our thoughts and prayers Moongal. I so feel your pain; am so glad you are starting therapy; I know it will help you tremendously. You sound like you are at the end of your rope; this may be the best place for you to be at you start therapy as you will be willing to do the difficult work which follows
I am praying for you hon!
Thanks Molly,
I really am I think. But they say you have to hit rock bottom to truly want to recover. Feeling very sick now as I have just eaten normal today and my body is saying "where's the rest of it?"...I've a desperate food hangover, I really do feel dizzy and sick and like I could get sick.
I want this cycle to end. I want the old me back. I'd love to look back and think there was a reason I was given this ED, maybe to bring to light BED or just to help others I don't know yet.
I am so grateful for this site, because here I can be honest about how i feel, and less ashamed about how consuming this illness is. I enjoy supporting others, and I know I will always be supported.
May God be with us all, because every day is a struggle.
Warmest Wishes to you
Moongal x
Moongal, I just posted that I saw a movie called, "The Shadow Effect", which is all about there being a reason for everything we are given, every hardship, every trauma, etc... it shows how many people who suffered extremely have transformed it into light to help others. I always think of this in my own life, and I see you are already thinking of it in yours. The fact that we experience so much pain makes us all the more compassionate, in truly _knowing_ what it is like, so we can be there for others. At the same time, I know how difficult it is, as I am going through it myself. I feel like giving up, but reading your post, and others, as well as watching that movie helps me move ahead bit by bit. I wish you all the best, and will include you in my prayers.
Peace...
Oh wow. I know I don't know you, but I am happy that you want help from your binge eating. Sometimes I do get that feeling that you just described. I admire the fact that you are expressing how you feel about it because I certainly can't. I consciously know why I binge, but i don't know if there is a subconcious about it for me. All I want to say is that I am glad that you are honest with yourself about it because I am personally not too honest about my binging. I hope that everything works out well for you in therapy. Let me know if you would to talk. My prayers are out for you in getting your life back. Just be strong.
Hey guys thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I know it will take a long time to get there but I really want to and I know ye want to aswell. It's such a painful process, but if we keep working on it, I have to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep writting here guys, that really helps cos you realise you are not alone and that has helped me so much so far.