This week I was watching Love and Hip Hop Hollywood and moneice finally said out loud how I've been feeling inside. Why is it that the man gets to just drop a kid off and we get shunned if we did the same. I had my child back in September. My child's father gave me an std the first time he cheated we were engaged and it was the first time I've ever experienced something like that. I figured ok he learned his lesson. I'm pregnant so I stayed in the relationship. Then he cheated again on Mother's Day. My self respect wouldn't let me just be able to sit there and let him walk over on me so I put him out. My daughter has a sister. She is lighter than my daughter whose skin color is now a dark complexion just as his and his mothers as well as his sisters. He talks so bad about her skin color but she looks nothing like me but looks like his family all the way. I look at his Bank statement and I see his last check was over $2,000. My daughter is going on 3 months and he has not given her 1 penny. I asked if he was going to help with buying her some stuff for Christmas like bottles blankets milk pampers stuff she needed he told me well I have another daughter I'll help u with something in January. He makes my daughter feels like she is so less than. He blames it all on me. If I would have let him stay and be able to cheat like his other baby mother does then he would help me. The worse part is that we all work together.
Why is it all the responsibility falls on the mother. I'm not the provider or protector of the family. I'm trying to connect with her but it's soooooo hard. I battle giving her away on weekly basis. I mean I give her the best of the best materialistic wise. However, because I don't think I have any love to give her because I don't believe in love. I was always a good person. I'm a loyal nice loving person. I'm smart as a whip and I treat others good. I'm treated so bad by this cold world. People talk about racism it's not a black and white thing. It's light skin dark skinned racism in our own culture. This by far is the hardest job ever. Folks will say they will help but they don't if they do they talk about u behind ur back. People feel I should just let him walk all over me so I can get some help. I really hate being a mom. If I could stop people from making this mistake I would.