There isn't alot of support groups in my area. I want to connect with other divorced women to find support and common conversation. My husband and i met in November 2008. He was in the military so i went to visit him and within 2 weeks i was pregnant. I thought i was in love and wanted to do what was best for my baby so we got married within 2 months (january). Everything happened so fast. He started having strange conversations with other women online as well as women i knew personally. He would attempt sexual conversations with random girls and have photos sent to his email and phone. This started before the baby was born and continued. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt because we had a child. I didnt realize it at the time but he was emotionally abusive as well. After all that time i finally filed papers a few weeks ago. He is making things difficult so i had to get a lawyer and $3000 later of money that i don't have i am just overwhelmed. I cannot believe at 23 i will be divorced and a single mother...
I feel for you. I have been divorced and dealt with the single mom situation for years, before finding a man that has been a great husband and father. I have also been emotionally and physically abused by a former boyfriend. I know how overwhelming it can all be. I know it is super hard to see now, but this is a blessing. If you truly want the child and love it to death, then being alone with the baby is infinitely better than putting up with garbage for years on end, and losing your personality and love for life in the process. You will be a better mom, and will find support to get the things you still need from life (as a regular woman). I will say a prayer for your future strength and success!
Thank you for the kind words. I feel its best for my daughter that her father and i are apart, but he doesnt seem to agree. Its nice to know there are other people out there who understand or have gotten through this.
Jennicas, you've made a very wise choice & dodged a bullet in the long haul for you & your child. I too raised my now 26yr. old son alone his first 7yrs. of life & yes it does create questions later on FOR THEM & I'll bet you'll handle it wonderfully when the time comes. Its better to steer clear of him if thoses ARE his TRUE COLORS, wouldnt want your child to be exposed to that type of lifestyle or person. Do let us know how your doing.
Take care of you.
April
My wife just left. Today. Two hours ago. I am crushed and devastated. I feel dizy. We were never abusive, we had what seemed to be the perfect marriage. Six months ago she started saying she was feeling boxed in, and there seemd to be nothing I could do to stop it. Now, I suppose, I will have to figure out how to move on. How will I sleep tonight without her? How do I get out of bed tomorrow morning?
kcmc, welcome, Would be wise to seek counseling if affordable & invite your wife to discuss the issues as to WHY she feels BOXED IN as you described. Am sure if you really look within & at the situation you may find answers & errors that may be corrected & worked through over time. Husbands & Wives should always be boyfriends & girlfriends to keep the relationship fresh. Give her a little time to think before calling or contacting her that way she may be more receptive to what you might be trying to accomplish or say for the betterment of both, not just yourself. Unless theres more surrounding the circumstances/issues that led up to her leaving.
Take care of you.
April
I completely understand. You were right, our stories are a lot alike. My husband was also in the military and his sexual conversations/relationships online broke up our marriage. He was also emotionally abusive and honestly looking back at it now, he was physcially abusive too...he never hit me but he left plenty of bruises--pushing, shoving, grabbing, and pinning me down. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt too until one day he "couldn't take the pressure" anymore and he told me he wanted a divorce. I left May 22nd of this year. The divorce papers are supposed to be coming this week. It's still hard to believe that we've been separated for 5 months already. It has gotten easier in some ways but I still can't believe I gave him everything and ended up alone and divorced at 22.
Well, my ex and I were never, ever physically abusive. She was very, very abusive to me-only when drunk however. When sober, she was as nice as could be. I was left witrh the mess to clean up-forgiveness, shruggining it off, swallowing resentment, etc. Then again, tonight, she called, deeply saddened and feeling like she made a mistake. Thus the question-do I move on, or try to let it work itself out? She will be away from me for the next 6 months as she is in an Army school. I have to move to our next post. She has chosen to take the assignment that will re-unite her with me in 6 months. So, folks, am I an idiot for hoping we will somehow get back together? Am I stupid for thinking that love will make it through? She has already signed divorce papers. I can honestly say that I have been incredibly loving, patient, caring and supportive in an unconditional sort of way, even as she left. I am a moron, right?
Kcmc, sometimes when one does alot of damage patrol for another, one just keeps leaving themselves wide open for more to sweep up. Is better to talk w/her & let her (this IS hard to do) be responsible for her actions & the resentment it is causing on the relationship, so try & let her know what this IS doing to you. Still would be best to seek counseling, regardless of any military scrutiny, that can be sought privately to help guide/lead/advise you both, if shes willing, if not then the decision is your to deal w/the situation or not anylonger. The 6mos you two will be away from eachother will help both of you to think some things through as to what you'd like a relationship to really be.
All my strengths.
April
I too am a giver. Ive suffered repeated hurt because of this. I always told myself If I do the right thing its right and Im not responsible for what others do.Im not going to change but Im finding other ways to give that wont destroy me.Try to chanel that love somewhere were it wont be abused.This is a good place to start. Im sorry for your pain. gypsy
Hi Jennica,
My ex wife have BPD. The last years of our 4 years were a Hell. She spend all the money and neglect our baby daughter. I run crazy looking for help (Psychologist, Psychiatrist, Lawyers, at al]. That's another way to say that everything was money, money, money... On my experience the people that help me the most were people from my local Church and the Crisis Unit of the Police Dept.
At the end, I ended with the sole custody and now I am alone with my (1 Year old) daughter. It's hard, it's very hard, but we are fine.
Hi Alan & Welcome to SupportGroups.com, is nice to hear that something good has come out of your experience & your baby has her father to guide/lead her through life. Will be a much blessed handful huh.
I too have experienced someone BPD & many more disorders w/alcohol dependency, it can really do emotional/physical damage for all those that surround this type of person thats for sure. Your not alone cause we're all here to talk/vent/share any time you feel like it.
Take care of you.
April
I appreciate everyones responses. Here is an update: i found a group in my area called Divorce Care. I was excited to go but It wasnt for me. I left disappointed because it was way too pushy with religion and the video in the class actually said "If you get a divorce you have two choices - stay single forever or reconcile with that person and get back together" ... wth??? They were so pushy with "God"...which is hard to relate to because my marriage was never a religious one. I am religious, my marriage just lacked it from day 1 so how can i ask god to fix it if he was never involved in the first place? Its really hard to find young people like myself to relate
It's not hard to relate at all. I am stuck on a remote army post, where the only groups provided were thru the church. Oy. I prayed and prayed, and begged and pleaded for help. Nope. So, I'm kind of done going to the church for help on this. I'll pray for strength, and yours; to get thru this. I will pray for my ex wife and that she is well. As for groups, I want practical advice. I got some today from my sister. She told me to get out of bed, put my feet on the floor and realize that today will not suck as bad as yesterday. She was right. Now that's advice I could use. Yesterday was as bad as it gets. Today, though still a bit sucky, was less so. I am looking forward to tomorrow being even less sucky. Even by the smallest amount. Small victories. Today, as opposed to calling her and asking her to come back, I resisted the urge. I won that minor battle. At least I have my pride.
Kc, breathing is good, one day at a time, I like your sisters advice.
All my strengths.
April
Hi April. Thank you for your words. It's good to know that some people realize what is to live with a person with BPD. I struggle a lot. For some people domestic violence victims are women. It's hard to be a man in that condition.
Hi Jennicas. I just call Divorce Care today (Bible Church), but now that you mention that... hahahaha. The Church that i go is very, very liberal. My idea of God is that He is good. Sometimes people ask me if I believe in God, and my answer is "no, I believe in something greater than god". Because most of the time the god that people shape to their own image is not that loving God. I have the conviction (and I am very romantic in this) that you should try your best to make things work. But there's no need for immolation. I try very hard to save my marriage but when my daughter came she became my priority. Now you need to think not only what's better for you, but for your child.