I'm shaking like a leaf, and crying right now. I didn't expect to get someone on the phone, at all. Not this early, I thought I'd leave a voicemail at best. I was caught completely off guard.
I finally called the outpatient center near where I live. They mainly do outpatient 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, for substance abuse, but all 3 therapists have "ED" background. I was just going to leave a voicemail about wanting to see a therapist just to "talk" not to "gain weight or recover", and only once a week.
Not only did a lady answer the phone, but it was one of the therapists. She took my insurance info, asked if I've ever had treatment, if I've been diagnosed, yada yada yada. I told her I was diagnosed Bulimia with most recent history of Anorexia in treatment 2 yrs ago. She asked if I was still active in that behavior. I told her, I don't reguarly B/P anymore, it's gone the opposite way. She said she's going to talk to the two other therapists, decide who's best for me, and call me back today to set up an appointment.
I'm just doing this to TALK, maybe it'll help me feel a bit better. Relieve some anxiety.
I will back out of this if anyone tries to pressure me to gain weight, recover, etc. I'M NOT DOING THIS TO RECOVER. I'm going to tell them that.
I'll be out the door, fast than I entered if anyone tries to force anything on me. This is strictly to talk, not to do anything else.
I just have no one to talk to, I keep everything inside. I want to talk to someone just to maybe feel a bit better. I'm not looking to "get better" though. Not right now, I'm not at that place. It's so hard, and confusing.
I think once you start talking that the part of you that wants to recover will emerge. Embrace it. Let them help you. Let us know if you ever want to talk<3
You can do this. No one can make you eat, or make you do anything you don't want to. But you, the real you, the one who hatesss your eating disorder wants to recover. Your eating disordered mind does not want to recover, but part of you does. Calling them is the first step. They can't make you eat, but they can advise it and I hope the part of you that needs to listen will..
I've been there and I'm still there. I totally udnerstand how you feel and what you are going through, but an outsider looking in is never the same. I hate seeing people in the pain that I know what it feels like.. It's awful. I want you to escape and you can do it hun.
Feel free to talk to me if you need anything at all! Good luck xoxo
I understand how you're feeling, but I don't understand why you can't get better and recover or adleast talk about recovering and it may boost your "wanting" to get better.. good luck :)