I may have already said this but it's been on my mind again recently.
I don't feel like I'm going to be a good aunt because of what happened to me (I was sexually assaulted when I was a child). I DON'T like men because of it and am afraid of them. It's going to be hard interacting with a little boy too.
I did bad things as a result of the trauma that I still feel bad for (sexual play). I think it was me just trying to cope. I really don't know why this is coming up.
Maybe this all brings up some unresolved feelings. Feelings that I have NO idea how to put into words.
There's nothing wrong with the way you are feeling you went through a lot and you are traumatized by it. Try not to put any expectations on yourself about being an aunt. Right now you don't feel right about interacting with your nephew because of the trauma so that's not your fault. You can't help it.
You could limit the amount of time you interact with him. Maybe keep it to a few minutes smile at him say a few cute things then move along. When things get better for you then you can adjust the amount of time you are near him. Try not to worry over it. But like you said it also brings things up for you so take it day by day. If you have to stay away for a while then do it.
@Fohb460 I may consider that advice. Thanks. Maybe it makes me feel a little bit better.
sorry if I misunderstood, but when you said you did something "bad" do you mean to a child? If so, then I think that you definitely should avoid your nephew whenever possible beyond a hello and smile. You definitely dont have to be close to someone that you feel you could hurt. It would be a good thing, and shows responsibility if you stay away, if you feel you could cause harm in any capacity to someone, until you've worked through your trauma. As for not likig men, I think it makes total sense seeing what youve been through. As a woman, I often feel angry at the stuff historically women have experienced and continue to experience, and it's easy to feel angry at "all men" because of that. And it's similar for men probably, some women ddo terrible things and men may be angry at "all women" because of it. It's ok to feel that way. But then we need to go into spaces to challenge that experience too, and experience examples of good men or women. For example on this website I read men's stories, and men havw commented on my posts who were extremely kind. So it does help you remember good men exist, and we need to actively think of examples of them sometimes. Maybe a wonderful teacher you had, or some therapist on youtuve, or really anyonw qho was just kind unconditionally to a woman. It hurts, to experience the bad stuff, and yes a lot of men do horrible things. I feel afraid of men and love too. I really do. But we do have to keep trying to remember the good are there too. . So we must not hurt good people who are innocent, for those that hurt us.
@Doodle1234 sorry for not being more specific: no I would never hurt anyone even a child. It was more hurting an inanimate object.