So I am having trouble dealing with all the triggers around me while I am at school. Between the stress that school gives me alone, which makes my eating disorder go crazy, and my friends....its just so hard.
Today I was faced with a really hard trigger making me have a doubt about recovery. ED slipped through a little. My one friend was venting to me- something many people feel comfortable doing to me because I am a good listener. Of course, this has been like this my whole life, and one reason ED had such a good hold on me for the past years since I had my own burdens along with others. One thing she burdened me with is that her friend has an eating disorder. I HATE when people tell me of others disorders. I can't take it face to face. I get embarrassed and ashamed. And I feel envious of the person with the eating disorder. My eating disorder went wild.
I am okay now. I ate dinner, I am doing fine. I am a little upset, and not as strong as I was earlier this week. But I am still good with the meal plan.
Does this ever happen to anyone else when people bring up eating disorders?
Oh my gosh. YES. I can relate to this post very much. Even if someone is just eating super healthy, it drives me crazy (even if I'm eating nothing)... same with exercise. If I found out someone had an ED who I know in real life, or if someone talked to me about a person who did.. it would fule my ED more. My advice to you would be to focus on yourself (which I know is very hard) and to remember that your body deserves to me fed whats on your meal plan, and DOESN'T deserve harsh behaviors.
TOTALLY!!! :0/ It's highly triggering to hear about others with eating disorders... When I was really in my ED it conjured feelings of being exposed, wondering if they felt safe talking to me about it because I wasn't "thin enough" yet, and also wondering if they were bringing it up as a way to broach the subject with ME... Ugh... Nowadays, I know I don't look sick... I STILL am triggered when I hear people express concern about others... I don't act on those feelings anymore. But I feel the feelings... :P
Distract, distract, distract! Remember the reasons you're choosing to act in a recovery direction. Remind yourself that what you're doing is GOOD for you. And don't forget how AWFUL the eating disorder feels... It's easy to slip back in... Make it so that it's not an option. ;0)
I might add... I only feel truly triggered when people in the "outside world" bring it up... Especially people that DON'T know about my own struggles... It's not so difficult here, since we're all trying to recover. And we really understand each other. ♥
My assistant at work has an ED...she isnt seeking help for hers as shes almost proud of it....so I can totally relate allee...thats why its really hard for me to be at work...her and i fuel eachothers ED's without even realising it.
Surface talk... NOT true... ♥ NOBODY actually ENJOYS having an eating disorder. :) I can remember my own pride at losing weight in the beginning, though... I wanted others to be able to do it, too. I enjoyed the compliments... Of course, at some point our eating disorders become more apparent to people, including US, and when we realize we can't just STOP... The depression REALLY sets in... :0/ Try to remember that these people that are triggering you ARE suffering... If they don't KNOW that they are right now, they WILL in time... Keep yourself on the path to recovery... ♥
I'm totally the same. i always feel i can't even get my ed right, even a failure at that, especially cause i actually LOOK healthy. silly enough, i hate that.
i agree that at some point during my anorexia i was proud of it because people were commenting on how much weight i lost and because i thought 'now i'm the one in control of food not the other way round'. and to be honest i always still think i'd rather be anorexic (sorry to say this here but thats how i feel) simply because i was skinnier and didn't feel as disgusted with myself. but in the end i know any 'pride' is just part of it all, the bit that actually makes you cling to your ed!
i used to have a friend that had bulimia too and as it was great having someone that truly understands you at the same time it made my own ed worse as i was learning and picking things up from her.
but it is different meeting people on here or in other therapy. and i think that really shows how we are not able to cope with the real, the outside world.
i know allee ---my half sister--- i really think has ED. really, and she is soo triggering for me. when i saw her one time (two years ago) she was bone thin. she didnt eat her lunch we both got at a restraunt. she also made a comment to me like i was chubby. i was at my normal weight. all she did was go on and on about her skinny skinny freinds (even giving me thier terribly low weight numbers) and how she wished she could be like them! i was thinking --hello --you are like them!!! ughhhh....(that summer after that meeting with her i began my hideous dive into anorexia...)
and then when i told her of my ED she made it like--oh everyone has that and its like no big deal. like it was a freakin flu or something. and that all her friends had ED. and that she --gasp----has done ED behaviors. like i didnt already know. so i told her how i almost died form ED and that they are deadly and nothing to be played with. i dont think she caugth on though...
ughhhh i dont talk to her much... i wish we were closer but we are not.
and then---my fiancees sister --really i think has ED. she gets cold in 104 degree weather, she is so thin it is painful to look at, and she is always always comapring what i eat to her what she eats. she looks at what i eat and says oh i feel so bad i had this and that i feel so guilty. words cannot even describe how freakin triggering that was. and then she goes on about she is gonna gain a ton of weight form eating cake and that she is gonna gain soo much weight from it!!! aghhhhhh!!! and then she goes into how she lost so much wieght recently( yeah i think we could see that) and how she did it! with my fiancees sister it is all weight weight weight! i freaked! ughhhh.. that day and my fiancee got into a horrible argument....anyway i got a therapist that day--but the point is she is sooo triggering for me...ughhhhh
so i think we have to be above and beyond them . we know the hell of ED . why should we be jealous of someone if they have something we know very well is deadly and makes you miserable??? that is their problem not ours. while i will try to help anyone with ED they have to be willing to get help. otherwise all my words wont mean anything...
so be proud of what you accomplished getting over ED ,alle, and know thier misery is nothing to be jealous about.