Well, it looks like maybe the original post was lost. Let's

Well, it looks like maybe the original post was lost. Let's try again. I have Bipolar II with rapid cycling (very!), C-PTSD, and a panic DO. My husband finally agreed to go back into marriage counseling after I went into the hospital in Feb bc I was dangerously suicidal, with a plan and nothing to live for anymore. I received ECT treatment, which crosses my own line. I did not get support or compassion. This is always how it is. Though I have absolutely no way of admitting I'm wrong and apologizing, according to my husband, I am not these things, and it's OK to be demeaning and criticize me. He had an individual session with or marriage counselor. He seems to have walked out of it feeling big. For the first time in a long time, I am thinking I might be better to leave him...

1 Heart

Why does ect treatment cross your own line?

@Destiny2020 - hi. Coming up to being hospitalized, I resisted it. I felt that it wasn’t safe and that I wasn’t ‘sick enough’ to need such an extreme treatment. My psychiatrist kept gently working with me, even his nurse did, to move me towards understanding that I needed to try someTHING because I was beyond the meds working. In hindsight, I realize it was necessary and probably saved my life. I did not like being on the psych unit for 16 days, but should I need treatment in the future, I will be able to contact the psychiatrist who did the treatments and have them outpatient.

Brenna2004,
Hi, I'm Krashtian. I'm going to tell you a story and let me know if it's similar to your life. I am Bipolar I, rapid cycling, ADHD, psychosis, anxiety, C-PTSD, and so on. I've never tried ECT, though plenty of hospitals tried to give it to me. I've been in and out of hospitals my whole life, because I suffer from Suicidal Tendencies, even at the age of 50. My husband left me because I am bipolar. He couldn't handle it. It took a lot out of me to always explain why I couldn't get out of bed for days, why the house wasn't clean enough, and so on. He wouldn't learn anything about bipolar. I tried to explain it to him, he wouldn't listen to me. He thought I was always lying to him. He took my disease personally. Tell me, if this sounds familiar to you? If your husband sounds anything like that, then maybe you should consider your options. When my husband told me that he wanted a divorce. I gave it to him. Gave him the house, I took my cats and went home to mom and dad. For me, it was the best thing for me. He was becoming toxic, and I didn't need that in my life. If this doesn't sound like your situation, then I am sorry to have bother you. Have a great day!

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@Krashtian - thank you for sharing your story. It helps not to feel so alone. Sometimes, I think there is something seriously wrong with that I chronically suicidal, going on 50yrs myself. I had my appointment with my therapist and talked thru this a bit. I am going to give it a bit of time. He reminded me that when we separated many years ago, I struggled very much the whole time, more than being with him. That being said, I’ve changed and may deal with it differently should it come to that. Thank you, again!

I am tired... Tired of the rapid cycling, tired of the meds, tired of fighting. I honestly don't know why I keep trying. Based on the Hamilton Depression Rating Scale, which I use to monitor the level of depression when I start to go there, I am back in the range of "extremely serious depression". Physical symptoms include severe fatigue but not being able to nap, loss of appetite, digestion issues, and quick weight loss. I am crying more, feel worthless and that I'm not worth caring about, less sleep and more nightmares. Yet, I can be a real bi%$#. I lash out easily and am hypersensitive. Sarcasm is my friend. Mind is "too busy". I have to consciously slow down my driving, when I care to.
I've tried explaining to my husband where I am at. He doesn't understand, which is nothing new. I am just a mess. I'm sorry...

@Brenna2004
If your depression is at a stage where u think it’s extremely serious then I would go and check in at your local ER.

I have been in several hospitals over the years. Because of insurance, you are in and out within 72 hours. They will adjust your meds, give you coping tools for whatever problems you have like finances. You’ll have plenty of time to yourself, to clear your head. I went to regular hospitals that had a mental ward, those are nice and clean. I’ve never been to a state run asylum or mental hospital. I don’t know what they are like. Just think about it. It is an option.

Morning, everyone. Thank you for the input. Inpatient is a choice of last resort. Our network psych units are for crisis management. No real therapy occurs. I'm better off with seeing/talking with my therapist in session and in between appointments. I can also talk with my psychiatrist's nurse during the day. Sadly, my doctor is now on vacation until the 10th of August, and then I don't see him until the 16th. My therapist is on vacation this week. He's back on Monday though I don't see him until next Thursday.
When I saw my doctor yesterday, we discussed med adjustments. I'm to increase my Seroquel if I continue to have trouble sleeping; looks like that may have to happen. If I continue to sink deeper into a depression, then I can increase my Prozac dose, though that's a last resort as even with a mood stabilizer, I tend to switch to hypomania after a bit...

1 Heart

@Brenna2004 This sounds like a great plan. Inpatient is a last resort for me too, but I was really worried about you. I used to take Seroquel for mania and also insomnia as well. I hope the adjustment works for you if you decide to raise it. It sounds like you have a really good support group in real life… except for your doctor being on vacation at the moment. Thanks for the update.

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