I have gone to AA meetings many of times but I cannot just seem to relate. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic high school, the whole nine yards, I know god is "how you understand him" in AA type settings, but still cannot relate. Besides the religious factor, I found AA to be extremely cliquey and I didn't feel comfortable with most people. I am not someone who has never been arrested, lost my children, lost a job etc... I am just someone who thinks they may drink too much but I am certainly not someone who drinks rot gut vodka, has blackouts or soils themself, so how do I relate? Oh and I have been to therapy so that solution is out, I believe in group therapy and relating to other people, but AA definitley not my thing, so what is- any suggestions?
Hi AA... MAY NOT BE YOUR THING .. But if you know you have a drink problem you know that you dont like living the way you do then change what you can to live a better life .Lots of thing that are AA like change what you can and live one day at time can still work for those that dont get on with AA .. Yea it can seem cliquey but then if you were at new school it would feel just the same its up to you to break down the door and you will find that there not as cliquey as you think .. AA is a great place to start get the basic and if you find its not for you use the bits that are of benifit to you .. Find other AA meetings you may find one thats better for you do not be afaired to ask for help speek to other people at meeting you may find that there not the way you think they are. Staying sober takes hard work, willpower, courage it helps if you can find other that are the same as you Good luck
Alcoholics Anonymous is NOT a Christian Religious Group. It is Spiritual. One can believe in a Higher Power of their very own idea or one can be atheist.
God is mentioned as an overall word for whatever God you have.
The reason AA works is because we support each other. When one is new it might seem as if we’re cliquey but it’s just that we gravitate toward people we know. Just get right in the group and say hi, I’m new. Of course you will be included.
Alcoholism is a disease for which there is no cure - just abstinence. We learn that we don’t take a drink ONE DAY AT A TIME. It is a disease that, if you have it, drinking will get worse, never better.
I’ve been in AA for 44 yrs and have not seen anything else work as well. Treatment centers send their patients to AA. The Courts send their patients to AA.
I would suggest you get a Sponsor who has some sobriety so he can take you thru the Steps of the Program. Make sure he’s an active member and can introduce you to others.
Best Wishes, from Oregon
Hi inmyhead, I went to AA myself for help but there are other groups out there you can go to for help with getting sober. You might also check with your doctor and also see about counseling. Some churches have groups to help people with alcohol and drug addictions. You can do a search for secular recovery and find some groups. AA is the way I chose and what worked for me but it is not the only way. Keep coming and sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))
i totally relate...never "got" AA, seemed kinda cultish to me...and cliquish...never found anyone to be a sponsor...i tried to find someone...did therapy, outpatient rehab counseling 2x week...could never relate to how out of control people got as you described so well...i didn't want nor do i think i could allow myself to hit THAT kind of rock bottom!!! just wished there were more of the "housewives who drink too much wine and want to stop wanting to do so quite so much" types...the highly functional alcoholics who still manage to do it all, keep out of trouble, keep up appearances...the kinds, like me, who most people would never imagine had a problem...it's a lonely world and i just wish i could find some people i could relate to more...
Enza:
I’ve been right where you seem to be. Lonely, drinking by myself but confident that I would not “allow myself to hit THAT kind of rock bottom.” This went on for years and years and finally one weekend it was very nearly the end of me. It’s progressive and gets worse as one grows older. It’s possible to continue as a “highly functional alcoholic” for a considerable period, years even, but gradually the “highly” aspect starts to diminish and the walls begin to close in. Good luck. Take care.
Nika
please go to SMART RECOVERY on the internet. smart has some very useful tools. good resources
they are very helpful they made a difference in this recovering addicts life
inmyhead- I never lost my job, never got a DWI, never been arrested, never lived on the street, and if you looked at me you would have never known. One thing I did learn after being sober for a few months is that I was only a few drinks away from all of that happening to me. AA may not be for you, but have you tried a variety of meetings? Yes there are cliques in AA, just as there are cliques in all parts of society. Try Sober Recover. You can also try an IOP - Intensive Outpatient Program. Keep trying until something works because you are worth it.
Boo: I can identify with this. I was for extended periods of time what the doctors like to call a “functioning alcoholic”. But every now and then, and increasingly as time went on, things really got out of control. Then I’d pick up the pieces and start out all over again. But finally as one of the folks in this group said, I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired and so I joined a group and started on the long road back. AA was the best bet for me but if it’s not AA, then my guess is that a person has the best chance with some kind of a group. And if one is really an alcoholic, then trying to cope with it alone and thinking you can somehow control it is like playing a game of “chicken” with reality. Reminds of of a book I once read about a man who was tracking a tiger in Africa. After awhile he started to get this creepy feeling and finally he looked over his shoulder and realized that the tiger was tracking him and it was getting very close indeed! That’s the way the booze is.
Nika
Just going to meetings is not AA. Most meetings are of the BMW type - meaning: *****, Moan and Whine. Others behave like therapy groups where all you do is listen to a lot of people talk about the "ism" of alcoholism and none of them have actually done the steps. My suggestion is find another group that studies the big book. Find a sponsor who has done the steps and is walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. You don't have to believe in theology to do the steps, you just need to be WILLING! If you are honest about your steps work, then the spiritual awakening will happen before you are finished. Go to WWW.xa-speakers.org and do a search for speakers like Mark H. and Chris R. and listen to what they have to say. If you are forming resentments about the people in AA then chances are you are a real alcoholic. Because that's how we are. That's how I was. Today, I know the difference between going to meetings and working the steps and that has made all the difference.
AA has given me 22 years of sobriety. I have gone to meeting since the day I started and still do. I remember I didn't think it was for me either but I just kept going because it was the only place I knew that people were doing what I was not able to do and that was NOT DRINK. I also heard the words that "Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired" and that I knew I was. So they said come along and do what we do. If you are not comfortable at a certain meeting try another one. There certainly are plenty. I found going to book meetings very helpful because it explained the disease. The Big Book first 169 pages if you can't relate then maybe your not an alcoholic. Maybe you are just an abuser of alcohol. Only you can say. I have not been to a bad meeting in all my years because I always look for something thats gonna keep me there and not something that is gonna send me back out. Its your choice. Alcoholism IS a Disease and it does need to be treated. Either you are an alcoholic or your not. Its that simple.
Hey my friend.
There are many approaches available for recovery from alcoholism. I personally chose AA because I felt a sense of belonging from the start. I am not a member of any click nor do I involve myself in any cultish associations. I'm a drunk. Its that simple. I have been sober since july 1, 1988 and have never looked back on those years of drinking as anything other that what it took to get me into a recovery program.
If you choose not to try AA, no problem. Your problem is alcohol. I do suggest you read pages 1-164 of the Alcoholics Anonymous Text Book for a detailed description of the problem and the solution for recovery.
Good luck to you.
Hey! I see that oldmanwithcoyote has been sober since July 1, 1988. Congratulations! I started with AA on Oct. 4, 1988 and haven't had a drink since.
Yep, I have shared some of these misgivings and reservations about the program and even though I'm not an agnostic, I felt more comfortable in an agnostics group. I've tried a lot of other groups and some seem to work better for me than others. But what definitely didn't work for me was 1-1 counseling, which went on for 35 plus years at great expense. So I didn't really get started until I got into a group. AA isn't the only group, as many of the responses to this thread indicate, but it was there when I needed it and I'm not sure I'd be here at all without that. So all I have to say is that the group approach seems to have been the most effective and less risky way of dealing with this very dangerous ailment. AA offers lots of different meetings, particularly in the big cities, but if one feels he or she really can't do that then find a group which makes you feel better and also evaluate very carefully, and shall I say skeptically, anyone who suggests the possibility of drinking in moderation. I know that last bit may seem controversial to some but I do know one thing. I know I can't drink in moderation. It took me forty years of "research" to find that one out. I'm a slow learner. I've a home page in my profile. Here it is, if permitted in this message: http://www.hmcclay.org.
Nika
I've been to the so-called BMW meetings - that's where I got my start in AA - Laguna Beach, CA. I didn't let that stop me - I wanted to get sober & I didn't care what others were driving or where they came from.
Sometimes I've been in women's meeting that started to turn into ***** sessions but the leader always got us back on track.
If one is serious about their recovery it just won't matter what kind of a meeting it is - as long as it's AA. I listen for the solution rather than listen to the problem and if that's all I hear then I can leave if I want
Yes there are BMW meetings but I personally prefer the FORD ones ( Fix Or Repair Daily ) cos that's what AA is to me. I went to a lot of BMW meetings and they taught me a great deal actually. I saw how I could end up if I didn't take this program seriously for a start. I wanted to get sober so I went, put my bum on a seat and listened day after day. When I 'outgrew' those meetings I tried others until I found one with people in that were sober, as opposed to the dry alcoholics as I see them, they are to me the BMW's in life.
AA meetings really have nothing to do with drinking or not drinking, they are more to do with living a sober life and that's what I wanted and have got. I am still learning of course but the journey is a lot better and the road is smoother.
As for the cliques, they are just the same as in a school playground. The exact same thing happened to me! This is what I did...I took the blinkers off, look around me, anyone else on their own? Kept a look out for newcomers and remember how left out I felt. Made myself a promise, I will never be so engrossed in my little corner that I ignore the one on their own.
So chin up, shoulders back, smile and say hello and keep going to meetings.
I wish you a safe and happy journey into a sober life.
My best wishes
Glen
LIF
Yes I can relate to you, I do feel like I have a drinking problem, but I don't know if aa is for me, I don't know. I started going to bible study, that has helped me before, just getting my mind set on the lord, I have quit before, but it only lasted 30days.I plan to see how this works for and if it doesn't help I will Attend a meeting.
I didn't exactly dig the religious aspect of AA until I started going and realized it was a spiritual thing. A god of our understanding so, I use god as a Group Of Drunks.
Sure, AA isn't the only gig in town but it's free, works only if you work it and has been proven to work for the last 75 years.
Listen, AA or NA is NOT the hotbed of mental health; there are so many different meetings..try a bunch. I left my original home group because it got cliquey. Now, I have a new one.
Whatever you do, do something that works and keeps you safe, HAPPY and most importantly, sober.
Since you are Catholic (so am I) you might want to learn how Matt Talbot stayed sober without AA. Not that it is an easier, softer way. He did not use the steps but he certainly did use the principles;
Humility
Humility
Humility
IMO AA is the easier, softer way. But only time will tell if it is yours.