Who is really in control

before i was on medication i was being controlled by voices and the government and by demonic forces now im being controlled by pills when am i ever going to be in cotrol does this ever end or does this cycle just repeat itself over and over do i just spin into oblivion of never being in control i hate it does anyone else feel this way or am i the only one i mean i cant be right i just dont know how to explain how i really feel the words are in my head but ehen i try to say them they just come out a jumbled up mess does any one know how to better deal with these feelings?

I am on an anti-psychotic med too. Also, depression meds. I suffer clinical depression and all kinds of other symptoms related to it. OCD, I have religious obsessive thoughts. I have thoughts that I have been handed over to the devil and all my thoughts are now controlled by him. I relate everything I do or say as somehow being rooted in my unforgiven state. This why I am suffering is because God has truly turned his face away from me. I don't know how to make choices. I get confused easily. Then I have a good day and I get suspicious and it ruins everything. I just can't have a normal day where I am just happy. I do have hope but it gets really hard sometimes...

my uncle has this and he takes 120 pills to get him under control it sucks seeing him like this