It's been almost 2 months since he picked me up by my ears and threw me across a room, breaking two vertabrae and causing more pain than I have ever been in my life. To top it off he then started kicking me in the head, back and ribs, what a nice guy huh? I am scared to death that he is going to find me. I spend my days listening for strange noises and watching for shadows that shouldnt be there. I dont sleep much and cant stop thinking about him. He scares me and I know I can never be with him again but how do I stop loving him? I worry about him every day. Is anyone taking care of him? Does he miss me? Does he even think about me? Why do I care? I should be so angry with him and wish the worst on him but I dont. He has destroyed my life, I lost my job, my home, my self dignity and am now in pain 24/7, with no hopes of getting any help medically. Sometimes I wonder why god would put a person thru this??
Hey Val,
You don't love him. You love the guy you started going out with. Sometimes we become so beaten down in a relationship that we become dependent on them, if that makes sense, your esteem has been so wittled down that you have now been left with nothing.
But you have, you have been left with a clean and clear break from this. I know you think you care for him, but you don't care for a man that would put hands on you.
Sweetie are you getting therapy? i think you really need to. You need to find yourself out of this mess, you've gotten out and that is such a great thing. Now you have to rebuild your life, independently of his. And that is in you hun, you are strong, you can do this.
Keep talking to us here hun, we are here for you
Love to you
Moongal x
I can relate to your confusion.I was in an abusive relatiosnhip(marriage ) for more than 20 yrs.I used to wonder why?what was wrong?I became numb ..broken..confused..lost.I was not physically beaten I have emotional scars..he was controling manipulative and he was sexually abusive not in a violent way.He would probably deny it.They become so used to their actions that I don't think they really see it as abusive.I feel many of the same feelings as you..sometimes I think I miss him but really how can I miss that..it was not love.You are afraid ..its scarey to be alone.I have those feelings too..but in time you will see that is not the life you want to live.Its abuse its NOT love...you deserve to be treated better and so do I.
I suggest you connect with someone at the nearest woemns shelter..they will help you feel safe and give great needed advice.I was in a womens shelter for a week and I was set up with financial support and legal support.
God did not wish this for you he loves you Val.Now its up to you don't give up or give in try to be strong.Find a support system to help you through this and yes some counseling as well.You are worth more than what he gave you.
Hey Grace,
I am so sorry to hear about your abusive relationship. I hope you are healing yourself well now. You seem so strong, I can imagine how easy it is to get swept up in making excuses for them, as i was with an emotionally abusive man and continued to make excuses until i finally couldn't do it anymore, i had come to my wits end.
You are two very brave ladies and I wish you such success in mending your broken shells.
I'm really sorry to hear about this. How can you love a man that would treat you this way? When you ask yourself why you love him, what is the answer? You should really take this time to take care of yourself and figure your life out. It makes me so upset to know people like him exist.
I wish you all the best and please keep in touch
July
Val, please try & seek the answers within yourself through therapy (if affordable), books, internet researching (like this site), take a look back at your history, there may be answers as to WHY you would surround yourself w/this type of person or even be thinking, caring about THEM, then start to focus only on you by keeping busy to learn a new way in life & not repeat this again by meeting this type of person. When you look back I'll bet you'll notice all the RED FLAGS that marked the whole way of the relationship. Please keep talking w/us, we're all here for you.
I understand what you are going through. I was in an abusive relationship and he fractured my spine.
Moongal is right:"You don't love him." You are in love with an illusion. The illusion of the person you met and fell in love with." However, the first time he verbally or physically abused you, your relationship ended.
You want to know if he misses you? That is a yes/no answer. Yes he misses you but only cuz he doesn't have someone to beat up on and lash out at.
I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years with the man that fractured my spine.
Truth be told, I didn't know if there was "Life after Louie." but now, when I see him, I think, "What was I thinking?" It takes time to get oversome and trust me there will be tough patches but you will survive. If you go back with him, you probably won't. Either he will A. eventually end up killing you/or you him. or B.Be so beaten down that inside you will totally feel dead.
Hi, I was not physically abused and I am so sorry that you are suffering the way you are. This world can be cruel and is cruel to many, many people. The suffering of people is one of the hardest things to ever get our minds around. Why do regular people suffer and the offender live without conscience? Why would someone like you be treated so horribly? The only thing I can say is that God's justice is real and our hope is that one day we will live in a place away from all the pain and sorrow that this world has to give. A place with never ending joy and peace that passes all understanding. Never a doubt about love and kindness and truthfulness and compassion. To be with God forever is our hope. To relate to him in the most intimate way. To be loved and to love back, fully without hesitation and fear. Perfect love casts out fear. Again, I am so sorry for your suffering and I cannot answer the why question for myself. I just hold on to Jesus as tight as I can and I trust that what he says is true. That no matter what he will never leave me nor forsake me... I often don't feel this. Matter a fact I often feel just the opposite. But, I believe and I hold on.
One more thing...I encourage you to get help outside of the internet if you are not already. Maybe a group for abused women would help because then you will hear your story being told by others and not feel so alone...Akita
I have been married for less than a year to a man I do not know anymore. This morning I had to have him arrested for breaking down my front door and threathing me. I have been hit before by him, but lately it's just the threats. It is a funny thing when you have been beaten down by someone you love so much that you find yourself making every excuse you can for them to make it right. I am not sure who I am making it right for anymore. I feel so guilty for having him arrested that I can't breath. I sit here in complete isolation, cause I couldn't have friends, I didn't speak to my family cause he doesn't like them, and now I am just alone wondering if I did the right things, and trying to fix it and I can't. I'm not sure what is worse being completly alone or with someone that continues to belittle me. I know reading this must sound strange, but he has become my life and I don't know how to move ahead. I have left before and he has left, but we always got back together, and I just always had that hope that things would change, if I only listened better, if I didn't raise my voice if I had never lied about silly **** in the past, I guess just not to start another fight. I have been reading all your posts and it gives me hope that maybe someday I can be strong enough to live a normal life, I just forgot what normal is.
Don’t feel guilty for having him arrested. He chose it, not you. Time to get you un Isolated. Pick up that phone and call your family. Tell them what it going on. Pick up the phone and call a women’s shelter.
I have been in 3 abusive relationships. Get out. Trust me, I spent 18 years married to someone and thought they loved me. I knew I loved him. He was not physically abusive but he was verbally abusive. Had me believing I was the one who was crazy.
The one before him, fractured my spine throwing me into a wall. I also thought, If I do this or do that. NO nothing you say or do different will ever please him. He is just plain abusive. I did everything I was told and then some. But I still got my butt kicked on a daily basis.
I am not going to say its going to be easy, it is not. You will find yourself missing him. (Not him persay but the person you fell in love with) You can’t change him. I’ve been through enough domestic abuse programs to know the success rate in a man completing a domestic program is 1 out of 100. So him changing is going to be slim to none.
You need to get out for your own sake. And for your kids if you have any. I realize you have only been married 1 year but realize to he won’t change. You can only change yourself. And domestic violence only gets worse. You have to take care of you…
Also, if you have kids, and they are witnessing this, they will also learn this behavior. (My oldest boy follows in daddy’s footsteps.) I left the relationship when he was 2 but it was too late.
Please take the time to think this through and call your family for help.
Hey Delfino,
I am so sorry you are in that situation. Believe me though your family love you and still want to talk to you, so even though he doesn't not welcome them I urge you to keep that line open.
I have found myself making excuses for a man...oh it's just cos this or that or the other...but sweetie it's nothing to do with you at all, that's his anger and he needs help. At the moment you are in a very unhealthy relationship, you need to be allowed to see your family sweetie.
Please keep talking here hun
You are stronger than you think
Moongal x
Delfino, its called denial & then one isolates themselves due to what they've been beaten down emotionally from another partner. Please try your best to see your family as Moon mentioned as they can start assisting you on a different path & eventually get you through this because they have your best interest at heart.
Have you sought any counseling if affordable? We're here listening honey if & when you want to talk things through more.