I spent along time in the Marines,I was a sniper and my job and home was various places over the years. while doing my job i became numb to what i was doing so after i got out it was hard for me to cope with this kind of life. after awhile i started have vivid nightmares and i still have them now. Im 51 and things hasnt got any easier no matter how many docs ive seen. I feel numb to most things and people. I wish wasnt like this it is torture me and anyone i try to be close to. I have also posted on the suicide board,the one thing both have in common is trying to be strong and focus on something that is important to me, like anyone else it is getting harder to stay strong. it seems the older i get the harder it gets.
I am 54 and I have been suicidal at times during my life.I havent had that in the last two years, things are better.For me the thing that gets me is the chronic physical pain I have. I have a bunch of medical issues, and then the mental pain from the ptsd . It seems like just when you think you have it under control one little thing can just make it all explode again. While I was married to my second husband James, a Nam vet, I saw the suffering he endured.It was true with him that it got worse as he got older. I tried so desperately hard to help him, but nothing was good enough.As much as he loved his two sons and he was a great dad but he couldnt shake nam. To me in my mind I feel he never really left,he left a big part of himslef there,and couldnt get out of it. I finaly left him when the kids were young,with great regret, but I was a psych nurse and worked inpatient at a state hospital, it taught me a lot.I came to understand the point at which you cant help someone if they wont help themselves,even a little bit. I am glad to see you posting here cause he wouldnt ever have done anything like that, he had really given up.Please dont, I came to see that the life I have is worth something, even if things are hard, there are things you can hold on to.For me living in a fairly isolated country area on a dirt road saved my life. I have solitude out here and its peaceful, animals not crowds of people. All I can say to you is keep in mind what you wrote, something is important to you, something you dont want to give up. One doctor said to me "remember,death is forever" thats so simplistic yet it stayed with me all these years and it made me see that life is worth it, no matter what. Hang in there.Hold onto the things or people you love that give you even a touch of peace or joy. I hope things get better.
wow! thank you for the comment. i liked what you had to say.