Why is it that some people with ADHD seem to really have it

Why is it that some people with ADHD seem to really have it together and others seem to be a mess? I know many people with ADHD and most of them make mistakes of course, but for the most part have their stuff together. And then we get my brother in law who seems to only be able to work a 40 hour work week and that's it. And even then it's more like 40hrs for a month and then leave early about once a week for a month. But home stuff, he procrastinates, ignores, or just leaves for my sister and I to do, and we've tried talking to him about it, but it never gets anywhere. He just gets majorly defensive and nothing changes. I'm getting really tired of the cycle, of his behaviors. Of the fact that he's 38, he should have it more together than I do and be someone I can look up to, and yet all I'm learning is what not to do. What a great lesson for a 24 year old. To dominantly have what not to do as a lesson is a crappy relationship. I'm so tired of it, I hate being around him now. I want to yell at him, because he doesn't know that he's still screwing up for both my sister and I. I don't understand. It's all one sided, we support him, encourage him, try to build him up. Even when I need a pep-talk it's more of a tear down than build up pep-talk.

Well the question is, who ever appointed you as his psychiatrist? He's dealing with a condition that even psychiatrists have difficulty dealing with. He should visit a psychiatrist. And that is also the answer to your question why some ADHD people have it together and others don't. The essence in the difference lies in "guidance" , how is the ADHD patient 'guided' and type of treatment that they receive determines the outcome in how they behave.

It's a very good thing that you want to support your brother, but you must know your limits, you are not a professional psychiatrist, the severity of his ADHD is too much for you too handle.

This is a very expensive life lesson i learned and i hope you enjoy it as i am giving it to you for free, namely: NEVER help a person if it means you yourself get destroyed in the process.

At this point it's pointless, no matter what you or your sister will tell him, he is not going to listen to you two. Find someone who your brother looks up to, maybe to your father. Ask your father to tell your brother to seek help of a psychiatrist, it will do him and the rest of the family good.

@nafta He won’t listen to any one. He is convinced that he is the only one who can fix himself. But near as we can tell, he’s not even trying. Even if he’d just clearly communicate more often I can’t handle more than work today because my brain is fuzzy it’d be an improvement. But he just shuts himself into his own world, shutting Sis and I out. So, even know he has ADHD, when we see so many others that manage to get stuff done, we don’t feel like his ADHD is a valid reason anymore and he’s just taking advantage of it. I’m at a point where I don’t try to tell him to do anything, but his behaviors still impact me, I live with my sister and brother in law. I’m up to leave the house 5hrs early for my job because we’re down to one car because he put off fixing the fan in the second car for 2 weeks. And then realized he had the wrong part, which needed to be ordered both times. I want to help him but know I can’t, I established that a long time ago. But there seems to literally be no one who can convince him he needs help. That what he’s doing is hurting his wife (my sister) and myself.

@JuliaRobeth89 SPAM

From Autism and Learning Disorders to ADHD