well as i post these things on here many people respond and give good advice, i am just about to the end of my rope with this divorce, as of monday i started getting phone calls with my 6 yr old son, and i get to see him monday, it will be first time in over a month, anyways, my phone calls ahave been around the 2 minute mark on monday and tuesday and 5 min yesterday, everything was good with 5 minutes, figured my son who is 6 really dont talk alot on the phone, but today i got a letter from my wifes lawyer who explained to me how the phone calls were to work, his idea is in no way what was told to me by the court appointed mediator who explained me on how to call my son nightly, i am to call home, wife sees its me gives phone to my son who then talks to me, i am to call at 8 pm weeknites, and up to 1030 pm on weekends, her lawyers said in his letter for her to call me at 8 pm, if shes home call if shes not home dont worry about it, i just dont get a call that night, and if my son dont want to talk dont force him i just dont get ot talk that night, this is bull, this is no way how it is to be done, so tonight i called at 8pm like i have been doing and my son says he dont want to talk to me tonight, how convienant that i get the letter today and now he dont want to talk, so i keep talking to him about halloween and things i got him for halloween and the whole time i hear her in the back ground telling him to come on and say goodnite, she keep telling him what to say to me, when i ask him a question he would tell me then be silent to hear her, then he would say something again,she kept telling him to hang up say goodnite, how ignorant is she to keep putting him in this like a pawn, i am just about done with this all, i dont know what else to do,
that is so sad, i am sorry to hear that. have you talked to your lawyer about this? make sure you tell your lawyer what is happening. stay strong, you’ve come a long way and i know things are moving slowly, but now you are talking to your some and soon you will see him. stay focused on that positive point. good things will come.
Ugh.
Some stranger telling you when you can talk to your child.
There's no way you and your ex can lay down the guns long enough to make things pallatable for the child?
Alot gets lost in the confusion & communication when there are so many parties involved, stay as strong as you can John regardless of your wife listening in on your conversations w/you & your son, do your best to show him that it doesnt matter if shes close by or in the same room, all of that is & will be irrelevant later on. Stay focused, keep going.
Einstein, would be wonderful if people could/would work together for the sake of the child, usually not the case though.
April
My point exactly April.
The children did not ask to be here, in my opinion, it is a parents responsibility to crawl through fire, eat crow (and much worse) to make sure the child(ren) get a fair shake in life. That includes steering clear of what I like to call "Bastardized Brady Bunches". I suppose the politically correct term is "Blended families". Ew.
If I am a child and my parents have divorced, the LAST thing I want, is "New mommy" or "New daddy", especially if they are bringing their own genetic mutations (children) with them.
I am at the tail end of divorce proceedings, and will not expose my children (teens, and twenties) to anyone I am seeing, UNTIL they are on their own/out of the house, whichever comes first. Like I said, I owe them that much. They didn't ask to be here, so I do whatever I have to in order to make sure they land as close to "normal" as possible.
Thats what its about, for children learn what they live in.
i talked to the councler today and she asked what was going on, so i told her everything that happened, she called my wife and my wife said the phone calls were going ok and my son was just tired last night from trick treating, i understand that he probably was tired but she was still telling him what to say, i dont want my child in the middle of this battle so i am going to do my best to make his life as normal and as comfortable as i can thru this,she is the one who is making it diffucult for him and i, if she was just civil and go our seperate ways we both could probably recover faster, it might be longer for me than her, but i need to do it and be strong for him,
Thats the way to do it John & then too your showing your son a good male role model to follow in life so HE will be capable of doing things as his dad taught him. Keep showing him how its done.
Take care.
April
i agree with april bigjohn, you are being honest with the counselor and you are a good role model for your son with how you are acting and trying to make things better for him. He is lucky to have you in his life.
Oh wow, that is really sad for you. I hope things get better. I'm sure you miss your son. Don't you have a visitation agreement in place? Even though you are not divorced yet, normally it's a thing like "for the weekend once every two weeks and evening for a few hours mid week every week." You should try for that. If you can arrange that your little guy would probably love it. Just because you and your ex can't be together is no reason that your child should have to go without you.
do you have any visitation rights? do you get your son on weekends or anything? Can you just call your lawyer and do something about this? It's just not fair that you can't even CALL and say goodnight to him. Is it really going to kill this woman to let her son talk to his father for just a few minutes a night?! like SERIOUSLY!!?? Just get a lawyer. A 6 year old is easily manipulated. A 6 year old doesn't really know how to talk on the phone that much and doesn't have much to say but you should be allowed to call him and are entitled to visit from time to time. How often do you see your son? I hope you can get this resolved. This woman needs to realize that her son needs his father even if she doesn't like him anymore. She can't just turn this boy against you. She is just doing more psychological harm to him by trying to turn him against you. It's horrible what she's doing and I hope you can get this resolved. Good Luck.
Just have to say my peace on this subject
I have 2 kids girl 10 years old boy 8 years old
Legally separated since November She moved out in August.
Kids know we are getting a divorce we told them at the therapists office.She left me for another man Married 17 years.She has used kids against me since this started.
I have heard mommy is right you are mean
Mommy is right she should of never married you
even asked my what my girlfriend was like(Do not have Girlfriend)just her ascuse.Kids see her boyfriend on weekends since October.All this time I have never bad mouthed her in front of kids.Took all the bad talk and held it in.I keep taking them to therapist every weekend that I have them. I get dinner visit on wednesday's and every other weekend.It has been a long time but the kids are coming around to me they call every night to say goodnight I would ask them questions about school and things in that sence and they would back off talking so now I just say you brighted up my day and good night They talk more now then before.I also agree even if I meet someone new I will not introduce them to her for a very long time they need to know I am for them and always will be thier for them they come first.So for everyone out there be good to your children Like said they did not ask to be in this position they were forced into it so they need even more attention then ever before
Good luck
Zimmy
**** PROUD of you Zimmy & well said & you dear friend brightened up our life here on this site. Now keep helping others, as you have been here, cause it does make a difference when someone IS listening to YOU.
Big hug,
April
We all should be proud of ourselfs
Being in such a bad position and to move forward to recovery is a great thing for all.
Stay positive things will change for the good even if it was not what you thought your life would end up like.
Think of it as a whole new you and a adventure of a lifetime. Stay positive things do get better everyone
Zimmy