Woe is me

Hello everyone,
I’m hurting so much right now. Boyfriend’s been trickling the facts of his infidelities and surprise it’s actually been going on for the entirety of our 3 year relationship instead of the 5 months he initially copped to.
But the lies keep coming. It’s his default setting when he feels like he’ll “get in trouble” for a choice he’s made. I told him “that is how children behave, not a 36 year-old man.
So I told him I’m done. Gave him until the end of January to leave my home. I simply cannot forgive any longer. We’ve been through counseling, he says all the right stuff, and I’ve been sooooo patient to see changes as I know it wouldn’t happen over night.
The problem is this: in EVERY other way, he is incredible. Smart, funny, calm, charming, personable and a million other great things. It’s hard to let go of the person who made me feel so loved, cherished, and just alive.
I remind myself that it was all lies. None of it was real because he was never real.
It’s really messed with my mind.
I was really really excited for our future together and it just hurts so much that it will never happen.

1 Heart

What Di%K! I mean, I just cant get over how people who say they love you, cheat. If your relationship is open and you adult enough to talk about the ramifications of this, fine, but sneaking around, that is just so shameful. If you aren’t built for a relationship, then don’t pretend to be for 3 years. I am so sorry hun, but you handled this with grace and strength, you deserve a guy who doesn’t lie, who you can trust. Hugs!

1 Heart

Thank you CK Blossom. I feel the same, if you’re for the streets, that’s ok! Just. Be. Honest.
Hugs back, we all need ‘em.

1 Heart

Well that totally sucks.
Being cheated on hurts. And the sad part is a ton of us have been there.
Kudos to you for giving him time to move out, you did a nice thing.
You move forward and move on. Keep that kindness, you will need it in your next chapter.

1 Heart

Thank you so much for the kind words. It helps. A lot.

You are so much better off without a person like that in your life. Once is bad enough, ongoing is something nobody should have to ever deal with.

Thank you. You are 100% right and I’m beginning to feel excited for my own space! I rescued a kitty today for the loneliness.

I’m glad you are seeing the light of the situation. Dealing with someone like that would be so mentally taxing, I can’t even imagine. And you can find people that faithful literally anywhere, the only difference is they don’t cover it with lies.

I’m glad you are feeling excited, it’s like a new start.

I agree with you @CKBlossom mature men don’t cheat

I am sorry for what happened to you. And it’s good to know you seem getting better and rescued a kitten, which is kinda like a hope for me that things will get better eventually.
Unfortunately, I had the similar experience last month. I found out my boyfriend had been lying and cheating on me with many women, since the beginning of this relationship.
We are in different countries. Last year we decided to live together. So I went to his country, being so excited that I am about to build up a home with him. Only after a month, I found out he’s a liar.
He said he didn’t want us to give up on the relationship and wanted to fix it. But the way he fixed was come up some excuses that don’t make sense, and more lies to cover his lies.
I tried to give him chance only found out he’s calling other woman baby. I couldn’t be with someone I can’t trust, so we broke up and I went back to my country.
But it’s been hurting so much these days. I am still a mess now. Sometimes I feel getting better, yet next minute I can begin to cry. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with panic. The worst thing is, I miss him a lot, even though I know he lost interest in me long time ago. I want to contact him and talk to him so much.
I tried to find a job to distract myself from this pain. But I almost cry in the interviews, which made me realize I am not in a good mental situation to work. So I made an excuse to turn down the offers.
I am lost now. Before I was preparing for a new life, for building up a home I’ve been yearning for with someone. Now there’s no new home no plan. I don’t really know what to do.

I am so very sorry that you uprooted your life on lies. That must be so hard for you, for anyone! I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but the healing will feel wonderful! I hope there are people near you that can give you a hug. Sending all the love and support from USA.

Thank you for the long-distance love and support. They’ve arrived in CN.

1 Heart

It’s unfortunate that liars are usually charming. They’re good at lying to themselves about their intentions too. It’s intentional, they know what they’re doing is harmful, they just continue to do it. 3 YEARS is a long time to lie, and every day presented an opportunity to change or be honest.

Im happy to see you love yourself. Because when you love yourself we realize why on earth would we wait for someone to change who has proved to us they didnt care enough in the first place to not gaslight and lie.

You deserve an equal partner who values honesty, and wouldnt hurt you in the first place. Pain is not love.

How are you doing? Are you guys still together?

Thank you Doodle. I’ve said that over and over and now I’m living it! I appreciate the support. It feels so much better not being alone.

1 Heart

He is almost moved out!! It’s weird…I’m feeling so excited to have my home be my safe space again. I didn’t even realize that I didn’t feel safe. I even feel a little guilty for how optimistic I am. I know the cloud will hit at some point, cuz love and all. But I’m finally following through on what he’s been telling me all along: I deserve the love that I give.
Thank you for checking in on me.

Do a sage smug or something, get all his infidelity ick out of there! For real, I am so proud of you, I am so happy to check in on you, I am so glad you get a safe space all to yourself and I know you are going to do great. Keep posting, I want to hear how you are doing. Hugs.

1 Heart

A smudge is EXACTLY what I need! Thank you for suggesting it! I’m also planning a “single girl” party with my girls :grinning:
I will keep posting, I always love reading your posts. You are very insightful and inspiring to others. Thank you for that!!

Thanks! I have been through my fair share of $hit and just want to pay it forward since others were there for me.

Hello Support Group!
I’m checking in 6 weeks after the move out and I have to say:
Best decision I’ve made in a long time!
My life is peaceful, my house is tidy, the food lasts longer than a day, and the lack of tears has left my skin glowing from finally not being dehydrated! Haha.
I want those of you that are scared to leave to know: it’s sooooo worth it! I cannot even explain how full my life is becoming. I have a monthly baking party, I’ve made new friends and enjoy outings with them, my kitty is such a blessing…my life is really happy and full.
I wish everyone here a GIANT hug!!

1 Heart