I can not go on like this. I want a partner. I do not want to waste yet another day of being in this marriage when clearly I am taken for granted. I have feelings too. I have been as patient as I physicaly and mentaly can. Enough, I can and will not take another day. My life is fading before my very eyes and if today were my last day on earth I would want to know my husband of 25yrs cared about loosing me. As I sit and give him "space" we are growing farther apart and I am an emotional wreck. That is not love. Have much clearer does he have to make it to me. He just doesnt want to look like the bad guy I guess. Scared of what I might do out of anger, maybe. Who knows? I have to read his mindcause he wont or cant talk to me. So he will take the ***** way out and once again put everything on me. I am done and as of today its either leave or stay and have two making each other happy. I am so easy to please doesnt take much for me. However he uses past to bring into the future to use against me. All I know is I am falling apart. HELP>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>please someoe help me to know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am exhausted and can not and will not do this anymore!
Maybe you need a trial separation?
Hi BD,
Thanks for the suggestion. I do not know even where or how to begin that process. After last night we decided to do that. I can only see bad things coming from that. How perfect now he doesnt have to try at all. I am so destroyed and cant even believe ths is happening. It makes me feel like the last 3wks have been a waste of my time and I looked like an asshole for trying so hard.
So now what just go on in the house like strangers and who live seperate lives .Great this just keeps getting better. I am so sad I can not even see or think or talk about this anymore. How do you seperate and still live together? What am I suppose to do/not do? I am going to be sick I can not do this anymore.
Thanks for the comment,
Lily
No lily, one of you has to leave. Just for a short time.
Can you or he stay with someone for a few weeks?
And unfortunately, it may end up being that he does not want to be married anymore. You have to prepare yourself for that possibility.
Also you should get into therapy and quick.
lily
hon u need to see the doctor and get checked out stress and anxiety cause the body to get run down so see to u first then decide on what is best for u.
i have been married for more than fourty years and it has been hard at times easy at others. there are times i could swing for him and swop him for a younger model but others when he gives me that look or steps in to sort things out i know he is still the young man i married. we have grandchildren to discuss and our own hobbies to attend to but at the end of the day although we might not say much we are content, so can i be personal and ask when u stopped communicating was it when the kids grew up and left as adults to live lives? or was it just u woke up and didnt fancy him as much?
keep posting and chattin
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Dear Domestic,
Thank you so much for your reply. Wow, 40 years, that is awesome, I applaud you. Marriage takes so much more work than I ever imagined. We have been through so many ups and downs and always managed to stay together, 25yrs. As for the communication, it was never really there. I was the talker he the silent keep everything in type. I would take that personal, as I was young and immature. I’ve been with him since I was 19 and am now 46yrs young. He is 50! I took him for granted for many years and didn’t want to get to close to him as I was afraid someday he’d leave me. He has always stuck by me even though a lot of times I made it hard. Now I realize all of that and it might be to late. I have told him all this. He feels like I am smothering him. I do not get that. I just instead want a new diff relationship with him. Where it is, the two of us wanting to be together and make each day together as happy as can be. He fights me with past issues, etc all excuses to not say, I want to go out there and see if someones better. I read into a lot of things as i am forced to but who would push someone away for just loving them and wanting only them. Is it to late for us? Am I wasting my time? I am going to drs I have appts one is gyno on 28th of oct. I am way in menopause combound with other issues doesnt help this. Any suggestions that you have would so be greatly appreciated. I dont want to start hating him and lose everything that we had together. I want to grow old with him and be happy. Help!!!
Thanks for letting me vent hope it made sense its 6am.
Have a great day,
Lily
xo
dear lily
u make perfect sense :)
as too fourty years u dont get as long for a life sentence. like u i was a teen when we started our journey together.
i like to think of the years as a seesaw sometimes it was up sometimes down but most of the time it was even, we survived being unable to carry to term a child without disabilities/still birth so agreed to adopt/foster our family.
he was in the navy when we first got married so we never communicated much...bit hard when he wasnt there half the time :) but life evolved eventually to what we have now,
u sound like u have bombarded this poor man with a revalation that he isnt ready for, one thing i learnt along the way was if it isnt broke dont meddle with it.
nothing is easy if its worth having but how much pressure are u puttin on yourself with this change of circumstances?
if it has always been that way then what do u want to do diferently? how are u approaching this topic?
its hard for him to accept this change in u when mayb in the past he has suggested soemthing and u have shrugged it off due to ill health or other worries.
but if he aint walked yet then i dont suppose he is going too, so what do u realy want for the next decade of your lives together?
u cant hate the man who knows u so intimately, as i get older its really only him who sees me as the girl i once was, the kids have never seen me young, peers have moved away or have their own lives these days yet this man who is making our tea while i type has seen the transformation of a young silly girl to the person i am now, he has been the salvation and vexation of many a journey/instance/problem
he is the only one who can pull the strings and wind me up quicker than u can jump yet always listens to my fears hopes and silly ideas at three in the morning.
so tell me more about u and your marriage we should compare notes :)
and help u find the things u want to change along the way
as always
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Dear Domestic,
Thank you for that beautiful post. I probably should have left things go the way they were. I just wanted to express to him if he could open up a little more to me and put my feelings first I would be happier. Now looking back that must have made me seem ungrateful and so selfish. It did seem like I was smothering him and being jealous all the time. That is why I would have these “talks” with him and explain where it was coming from. That we both should put each other first then others after that. I wanted more and to me it wasn’t a lot to ask for but to him I suppose it was. He is a hard worker and always comes home to me. The little things and the “no words, but actions” are his way of showing me he adores me. I get that now and understand it, that is who he is. I have tried to tell him this but now I just need to be quite and give him the time and space he needs. I love him enough to let him go even if this is what he wants. My biggest problem is no patience and I want things fixed right away. I am now trying to just “be” and see where it goes from here. All I can do is show him my love and give this time. Thank you for sharing your great story with me. You sound like you are one happy and lucky and blessed person to have such a great partner in life.
Have a great and blessed day!
Lily
lily
its not hard to have it all u already have the foundations of a great relationship and i no all about wanting it right now, but i got cured of that one, years ago the washing machine had broken the kids uniforms were in it and i wanted it fixed, he said tea first so i threw his tea at him and he ate mine then fixed the washer. lol was i steaming about that, but learnt somethings cant be now just cos i want it to be :)
just keep going hon, u already have a man who provides for u and the family, he might not be big on the words but i bet u can see a thousand ways he shows he loves u daily.
yes im lucky and he is great, wont be able to get his head thru the door at this rate but im sure u have the same type of relationship you just have to view it from a different angel
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Domestic,
Thanks as usual your words of support touch my heart!
Have a blessed day,
Lily
lily
us long term lifers have to stick together :)
its your posts that force me to that walk down memory lane, to evaluate what i take for granted and really shouldnt.
you have a great day as well
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Domestic,
I again thank you for giving me a different way of looking at things. Yes, my husband shows me daily in diff ways each and every day that he does love me. It may not be in the way I want to see it, like flowers, etc. but it is in the everyday things he does for me and our family. I am married to a wonderful man, yes he has faults, we all do. I just want him to be more like me and loving but that is not who he is. We are two diff people and I know now that this is not the end just a new beginning! We are at a new place in our relationship and I must trust and love him enough to know that we will make it through, God willing,at least another 26plus years. You have been like an angel sent from above to make it clearer to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I think back and almost feel childish, “I want it this way, and I want it now”. Life doesn’t work that way…as you saw when you wanted your washing machine fixed, lol.
Take care of you and that sweet hubby of yours. Have a great weekend!
Lily
xo
lily
my weekend is full of my grandsons who are the most precious things we have.
we are pirates this weekend and hubby is leading the crew, they have walked the plank sailed the seas and now its camp out time, one day he will be an adult :D
your right its hard not to whine when we want things and neglect the qualities we already have just cos it doesnt fit in with our ideas
keep posting and evaluating mean while im off to help the captain bed the crew (honestly only he could think of puttin the tent up in the back garden just to amuse them)
u enjoy the weekend too
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Domestic,
You are so cute. What great grandparents the two of you are! It sounds like you had a great time with the kids! I loved that idea and maybe before it gets to cold here we will try something like that with our grandson. I know he would love it.
Things are getting better here. I realized that a lot of my problems are “mine” that I have been drumming up in my head and not looking at the big picture. These hormones of mine are really taking a toll on me. I can’t wait to get to my appt with gyno on oct 28th. Maybe something can be done to help.
Thanks for sharing your great weekend time and I look forward to many more!
Hugs,
Lily
xo
lilly
im glad that things are gettin better, and you are right its the hormones playin heck again and again.
when u go for the gyne appointment make sure u take the time to tell them everything, i take a list a mile long so i dont forget the slightest thing.
and as for the next few weeks the captain has gone to be replaced by the monster master, he and the boys are making halloween masks and bits and bobs for a party of scarey treats and tricks,we will make fizzy blood out of blackcurrant and lemonade, turning bread green and other food dye colours to make horrid food and settin up the honey covered cobwebs out of wool sometimes i think he has too much time on his hands but what can i say he enjoyed it when ours were small so let him continue with the next generation :D
let me know how your appointment goes and if u do the camp out
loving thuoughts and positive vibes
hugs as well
D :)
I’m coming to your house to play! LOL!
BD
better idea they can all come play at yours and i will have a tidy house :D
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
LOL! Just made me think of my foster kids and how I used to play with them.
My niece needs to hurry up and grow up!
BD
thats half the problem he still wants to foster little ones and loves every minute with the boys, me i see myself in the sun with a cool cocktail and a young fit waiter but.....
arh well it will be time to take him to the toy shop soon then he can really be a grown up
u give that neice a chance to find her feet then u too can live in childhood land forever
have a great day
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Hey D,
I am right there with ya and the sun, a cool cocktail, and a young fit waiter......Oh to dream, lol.
Thanks for the moment.
Have a great day!
Hugs,
Lily