hi
It's not necessarily your weight that can always determine whether or not you have an eating disorder, most people when they start out are average or even just slightly overweight.
I'm not a psychologist, obviously, so I can't diagnose you, but I can say that from my experience, that's close to how I started. Seven years later, I've been up and down with it - this year being the second worst year I've had dealing with ED.
The deal breaker is the refusal to eat. And if you do have an ED beginning to take over, the urge will get worse and more frequent. Tell a professional how you've been feeling so you can tackle this problem now before it gets any worse.
There are healthy ways to lose weight. Starvation isn't one of them. Take care of yourself!
hi
Weight isnt a determining factor in diagnosing an ED. I suffer from an ED, by all appearences, I am what people would classify as 'thin' (thought i see myself as morbidly obese), have a 'normal bmi' and look generally in good health. However, what you are describing seems like a normal reaction to any stressful situation...an ED is more mental then anything. If you find yourself purposely restricting your intake, wanting to binge and then purge because you feel guilty, wanting to rid your body of excess calories by exercising and so on...these are ED thoughts. Having an ED is like having a devil on your shoulder...if you simply arent eating because of stress dont worry, if your not eating becuase ED is telling you that you need to restrict because you are too fat to eat blah blah blah, then that should be alarm bells ringing to seek help before it spirals out of control.
Thanks, Lilac. That settles my mind, even though I used to do this only a little, but it's been happening more lately, especially since I gained more weight after getting married a year and 3 months ago, and everyone is telling me, no, drilling it in my head that I am fat, fat, fat, but i'm not terribly big, i'm medically obese, but you can't really tell. I'm only on the borderline of it. I have found it hard to lose weight. I find myself passing up food more now- sometimes just eating less when I eat, like i'm losing my appetite -and I started getting guilty feelings about eating, like, Morgan, no, you shouldn't be eating-you are obese, stop it. I haven't started purging or anything like that yet, but I feel like if I can't burn 1,000 calories a day at least when I exercise, i'm not doing good enough. I hear my own head tell me all the time, Morgan, you're fat, quit eating.My husband says he loves me just the way I am, but my own head tells me he wants me smaller, smaller, smaller. I don't know. I still eat normally, just sometimes it happens when I get really down that I pass it up. Right now, i'm just mostly worried about trying to exercise and lose weight. I know it's not healthy, and If i'm heading in that direction- I need to do something about it before it gets out of control... I'm going to a counselor on the 16th of december, do I need to bring it up to them that an eating disorder may be setting up in me?
~Morgan Rushlow~
Morgan, what you’re describing does concern me a little bit…I was morbidly obese in January of this year, I weighed 280 lbs…my healthy ‘diet’ quickly morphed into EDNOS (anorexia, bulimia and exercise addicition) and i am now down to 135 lbs…and you know what…im STILL not satisfied…ED still tells me im a pig and need to lose weight and not eat and burn x amount of calories if i do eat…its a vicious cycle that spirals out of control quickly…i would strongly suggest mentioning this to your therapist when you go. Trust me, i am living in hell right now…yes i lost a ton of weight but im so unhappy with life and have so many complications from this terrible disease I would just hate to see anyone i know go through this too…
morgan, i think anything that worries you you should mention to the counselor.
you might simply have those thoughts because that's what people cause with such comments and because maybe deep down you're not entirely happy with yourself physically?
no matter what, kick the evil in the butt before it starts. rather than focusing on losing weight, focus on being healthier, looking after yourself inside and out (it might halp with your depression too, as the right nutrition can improve hormonal balance etc.).
keep up the exercise but with the idea of doing yourself something good. everytime clients come to me to lose weight i inform them about all the other benefits of doing exercise and healthy eating. it shouldn't only be about weight but more about looking after your heart, lungs, digestive system, mental and phsical wellbeing. exercising will help you sleep better, will give your more energy and simply can make you happy.
so as a tip: get away from the calories, concentrate on the improving intensity of your exercise. isn't it more pleasing to see that you can do something faster, longer, with less heavy breathing etc?
let me know how you get on. if you want email me and i can give you more advice on exercise and nutrition.
love
maedi
I know taunts can be hard to ignore and pass off as ignorants. I knew a girl in high school that was a little on the heavy side and was constantly teased for her weight. She apparently had almost completely stopped eating and would occasionally vomit. She showed back up for the new school year skin and bones and very malnourished. She had went from a 14 to a 2 and the time she did it in was very bad for her body. So now, because you can't teach a old dog new tricks, the kids taunted her for being skinny instead of fat. It hurt me even more this school year because she was taunted to the point of becoming anorexic and then now she was being taunted again for something different.
Please don't cave in to the taunts of others over how you look. I know it's hard to ignore, please find a way to or find a way to turn it around to be a positive thing. Completely stopping eating or going on some drastic diet is not going to help either, you will end up being sick and still being taunted.
Marlo
ok for starters who are these horrible people who talk about ur weight? im assuming ur family? again, been through exactly the same thing & ppl like that are not worth being around! if it is family i know it can be hard coz u expect them to love u nomatter what but u really need to distance urself from these ppl or u will never get better! how ppl think this actually helps people when they constantly go on about ur weight is beyond me but my family were exactly the same & i was screwed up for years because of it! i developed some kind of eating disorder & used to cut myself because of how miserable my family made me. & even though i cant really fully put into words exactly what was going on or how i was feeling at the time im pretty sure its exactly how u feel right now! dont let the same happen to u, get away from these negative vile ppl before they cause even more damage!
bambi, you're right, we shold try to surround ourselves with supportive and nice people, it is what we need for recovery and generally a happy life i guess.
but sometimes we can't avoid having some nasty ones around, if it's through family or maybe work or somoething. in that case it is important to learn to ignore such snide remarks and to not let them get to you. know yourself that such words are only uttered because of envy or plain insecurity on their behalf. of course it still hurts (it certainly doesmess with my head everytime) but it's possible to learn how to handle it.
stay strong ladies!
xxxx
yes u are right, it sometimes is better to ignore it but if they are anything like my family & they go on & on about it, its impossible not to let it get to u. its easy to say ignore it but being able to do it is another matter. its easier if u barely know the person or if its a stranger but coming from someone you love constantly being nasty to you its unbearable.
i totally agree, bambi. i mean my family was never openly nasty to me but if there was ever a negative comment i still remember it like nothing else. for example at the beginning of my ED, when i was kinda bingeing, my mom was joking in front of others about how much yogurt i could eat. i was so hurt. but when i told her years later how painful this was she didnt even recall ever saying it, simply because she didnt mean anything by it.
but it just shows that of course we pay a lot more attention to people that are close to us, even if it might not be very healthy.
has your relationship with your family improved since all this happened? did they learn anything?
and how are you in general?
xxx
Yes I agree with bambi and Maedi, but comments whether negative or positive can all add to an ED...
Thank you. <3
I'm glad you'll talk with your counselor about your thoughts and what's going on. I think it'll help you a lot.
If you're comfortable enough, you can even tell your family how their insensitive comments affect you. They might mean well, but they need to learn how to express their concerns without sounding so shallow and rude.
good point, heroine!
morgan, did you not mention at some point that your family might even come to therapy in the future?
no matter what, it's always important to utter your concern and feelings, even if they don't change or understand but at least you tried and you'll know for real what you're up against.
xxx
i really hope you get out of there soon, morgan, so that you can finally concentrate on yourself without your family constantly putting you down.
stay strong and focus on your health, YOU are what matters!!
Morgan, I'm sorry your family's like that. I know exactly how those kinds of people are and it's really hard to deal with. I hope things go well for you at your appointment though.
my family were exactly the same, i think they thought in some kinda screwed up way that they were helping me by going on & on about it! did they think i enjoyed being overweight or something? did they think i hadnt tried to loose it & did they really think that by reminding me of it every single day would help me at all?? er no! it made me just not want to eat in front of anyone, starve myself then binge, obsessive exercising & gave me non existent self esteem! yeah, thanks!
my guess is that they will probably never change morgan so the way i delt with it when i lived with them was to avoid them whenever i could, i felt low enough about myself without hearing it from my own family too! maybe you should say to them that u know they are trying to help but they are not, they are making u so miserable to the point where u dont even want to eat! maybe they need a shock from you to make them realise the damage they are causing! they probably wont know unless u tell them.
bambi you sound really upset and angry when talking about your family, i'm so sorry that they caused these feelings in you.
how have you been generally? any news?
xxx
maedi
Thats coz i am but i had kinda put it behind me & blocked it out but when i heard morgan's story i guess it brought it all back & i just cant understand how anyone could think that kind of behaviour could help someone & i had a terrible relationship with my dad but im not going to dwell on it or go into detail coz he's not around anymore & i dont want to disrespect the dead if u know what i mean. i was just trying to give morgan some advice but i guess my anger came across too so im sorry.
i'm **** if im honest. i found out last week that my husband has asked his lawyer to keep something from me & to be honest im in bits. i allways thought he told me everything & now i dont know what to believe! there i have been supporting him & defending him & now he does this to me! he knows how i feel about lying, how can i support him when i know hes keeping something from me, i am so fucking angry & insulted that after everything we have been through this is how he treats me! i have no idea what it is or why he wont tell me. originally i thought maybe he tried to kill himself or something & he didnt want me to know coz he didnt wanna hurt me but now all kinds of things are running through my head & now im just thinking the absolute worst of him! he has no idea what he has done & now even if he does tell me how will i know what hes telling me is the truth? how can i believe a word that comes out of his mouth? if i wasnt coping before now i dunno where i am now. Theres been a couple of times ive just looked at a bottle of pills & wondered how much it would take to kill me & cutting my wrists has run through my head, it just feels like he doesnt even love me or care about me & coz i cant speak to him there is just no way of shaking that off & once i get like that i dont really care about anything or anyone which scares me coz i could really do something stupid.