It's breakdown after breakdown after breakdown with me these

It's breakdown after breakdown after breakdown with me these days. If I bring up exactly why, no one wants to ever talk about it with me for some reason, so I guess I won't mention it here either.

I feel ignored, I feel alone in the dark largely BECAUSE people don't wanna talk about what I'm going through. I may be facing surgery soon, but don't know for sure, and when I read about the procedures it seems to make things worse for my overall anxiety.

I've recently been Googling what the best way to off myself would actually be. I can keep my head above water just enough, but it doesn't help that even my closest friends aren't doing anything to help. They KNOW I'm going through something that's killing me on the inside but no one ever checks in to see if I'm okay.

I'm seeing my doctor on Wednesday and I'm telling him absolutely everything. I'm gonna spill, I'm gonna cry my eyes out if I have to, but I need something EFFECTIVE to help with my issue. I've been dealing with it for almost 4 months now, and my emotions keep spiralling downhill. The thing thats affecting me medically isn't even life-threatening or anything, but it terrifies me. I think people just pass me off as being a wuss.

Anyway, I've decided to keep checking in here as things progress, on a daily basis. You'll be able to read the good, bad and ugly of all that is going on with me.

I'm sincerely hoping to find people who will be sympathetic to me here because I have no idea where else to turn.

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I know how that feels... Feel free to rant to me, if you ever need to. I'll support you through thick and thin :)

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Very kind of you! When a complete stranger offers support like that, it's a great feeling. You can feel free to rant to me as well. I'm pretty good at helping people, I just suck at helping myself... doesn't make much sense, I know, but it's true, lol.

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I get the feeling. Probably more than any sixteen year old should.... But oh well. I don't rant, really, im more of a listener.

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@LKcierra I’d imagine that anxiety is fairly common in teenagers in general. I didn’t do too badly, but once 18 hit, I was soon put on Zoloft.

Well you are at the right place. Welcome to SG where you are heard and helped. Here you will find amazing friends and receive amazing support. I know the feeling. I am like that as well. We are here for you. So if you want to talk about something lets talk about it. Here you will not be ignored. You are not alone anymore. We are here for you. I am sorry to hear that. I hope all goes well. Never off yourself. Think of the love ones you will destroy if something happen to you. Good for you for getting help. You are not a wuss. Keep on coming. We want to know what is happening with you. You will find those people here trust me I know.

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It's a little tricky to mention to women because the procedures I MIGHT need to get are strictly urological. If you're willing to listen I'm willing to spill, just PLEASE know I'm not here to freak anyone out with my junk like some horrible pervert. My fear is pretty solid and real.

I see a urologist in early December to discuss what to do, but in the meantime I'm fairly plagued with anxiety about it and it totally sucks. On one hand I'm afraid of surgical procedures, but on the other, if the surgical procedures aren't needed, it may only be a matter of time until they would be anyway.

Tremendous fear of the unknown for yours truly. It'd be nice to just get a fancy "cure-all" pill. I'd pay thousands for it!

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Aaannd I suddenly feel like I scared off more people.

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@TennisPlayer Gonna be doing that on Wednesday. Unfortunately I don’t get to see my urologist until just over a month from now. I’m hoping my doc has some good advice and words for me.

I'm sure we all don't mind hearing what you have to say ^_^ I'd be honored to help you of course hello btw.

@pinkmermaid Thanks! :slight_smile: And hello to you as well. It’s a difficult subject 'cause even with friends I consider close they seem to want to avoid it. So I’m here all like “HEEEELLLOOOOOO??” and scared and yeah.

haha Sometimes I want to scream as well but only to be noticed I have this lingering fear that I am slowly disappearing cracking and breaking until someday there will be nothing left... sorry lol trying to be happy today. Mind saying what is it exactly I am curious now ^_^

@pinkmermaid I have a varicocele and epididymal cysts. I won’t go into detail, but do feel free to Google.

Oh I am a big googler for words and the like lol If I don't understand something I go there lmao... I love reading anyyyyyways onward.

omg I hope that is not painful NO wonder you are not able to bring it up. I hope yours aren’t as bad cause holy candy cane! hugs Can it be cured?

@TennisPlayer A little of both. My bigger fear is about the pain I might have to endure, but aside from that, I Do want to maintain my fertility because I’m still fairly young and single. I mean, I’d LIKE to be a father one day. Then there’s the off chance they’ll screw it up AND it would hurt.

@TennisPlayer Thing is my family doctor is of the mind that the urologist will tell me I should just leave them alone. But they have been pretty uncomfortable so I’d guess the urologist might recommend treatment. It all started on July 8 (coincidentally enough, my 33rd birthday) and it was horrible pain for a few days. It dwindled a bit after, and has since been dwindling as well, but I still get discomfort. I intend on totally spilling ALL of my feelings and concerns when I finally see the urologist. I’m sincerely hoping he’ll be like “Oh its a ridiculously easy procedure and we’ll numb you right up for it, no worries”.

You can get your sperm stored and frozen did you know that? let me see how long it lasts...

Sperm can be frozen indefinitely. There have been normal pregnancies from sperm stored frozen for 12 years. The efficacy of the freezing is questionable when it has been frozen for more than 12 years. Each individual's sperm reacts differently to the freezing process.

lmao gross but cool to know!

X_X well that freaken sucks sorry to hear.