HI all..
I'm a Indian girl.. I was in love vit a guy during my college days.. V both were together past 3 years..I tried my level best to convince my parents..But parents didnt agree.. N i didnt want to go against them.. HAd to break up.. :-(.
NOw they hav already decided a guy n all set 4 arranged marriage.. They r really happy.. But i'm not able to b.. :-(.. I'm findin it very hard to leave vit out my guy..
I know this must b da common prob in most of da indian families.. But I'm hurt a lot.. I'm not able to bare it at all.. I'm goin mad.. I cry.. I'm so dam depressed
that i dont feel like talkin to ne1.. I avoid my frnds coz v hav many common frnds.. I'm completely out of world.. I'm some extent good vit my seperate frnds but cant
b normal there also too long.. MY health is upset n dont find interest in ne thing.. :-( :-(
Every time i was depressed i called him b4.. I did tat only after comin away 4m my guy.. He tried his level best to convince me.. But i am not able to fine..
He tried it vit love but i know he is hurt too.. I dont call him intenstionally to hurt him.. But at times i get relief listenin to his voice..I feel like i want him only..:-(..
But dont want to go vit him hurtin my parents.. My parents r completly against this n i'm sure i'll hav to go away 4m him..
I know i cant get him back.. But i miss him like hell.. I just go mad n There r many other things i do like a Idiot.. I want to b normal.. Want to adjust vit my present..
PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ ne1 suggest me something.. :-(.. :-( :-( :-(
Hi GirlDepressed, I am so very sorry for what you are going through and for how you are feeling. I can imagine the hurt that you are feeling, though are very conflicted because you are caught between pleasing your traditional parents and this man who you love. I understand what it is like to have very traditional parents, and although I know how it can be a difficult for them to understand, do you think that it would be worth it to calmly sit them down and explain what you are feeling. If they understand the depth of how depressed and detached you have become, then they may slowly but surely start to understand. This may take some time, but it may be worth your time.
Please know that I am here for you and here to help you through this in any way that I can. I want to make sure that we get you to a very happy place.
HI puppydoglvr... Thanks 4 ur reply... But i did tried tat.. I spoke to my parents told them calmly everything.. But da thing is da guy whom they hav selected now is my relative.. N they compare my guy vit da 1 they hav selected.. There is no ways they can b equal coz v hav just finished our college n starting our career.. MY relative is well settled already... I feel pity on my guy coz he cant directly come and approach my parents..
I am finding it very difficult coz on both da sides i hav people whom i love.. I know atlast i vil hav to go vit my parents words only .. :-( :-( :-(.. I'm not at all able to concentrate on my work nor interested in my future ne more...
Hi GirlDepressed, I'm so sorry to hearing that. You must be going through lots of hurts and pain in the heart when your will is being violated and not taken their into consideration. Having your guy to approach your parents may not be a good idea but I would suggest you to talk to them again and express how you hope to be respected and trusted with your decision if they really love you and care about you. You can tell them how depressed and hurtful you have been feeling and how it affects your health adversely. Don't loose hope. Keep trying. Hope you feel better. Take care.
HI yenh .. Thanks there.. I hav tried evry thing vit my parents... Every time i tell they r much more hurt n i feel like i'm emotionally trapped.. :-( .. MY parents hav brought me up like an angel.. They get hurt too much... I also tried my level best but nothing is workin out... Tats da reason tat is causing too much of depression..
At times i decied tat """OK wat ever is da thing i'll go vit my parents n vil adjust n try to b happy.. """.. This is da thing which comes 4m my mind.. But my heart is not listening .. :-( :-( :-(.... I start missing him like hell n go mad..
N when i go mad i feel like talkin to my guy.. But these days even he is avoidin me.. I hav just lost all my hopes, By feelings my senses every thing... :-( :-(..
I just dont know wat i'm givin on both side... I'm hurtin my parents n i'm Hurting my guy n middle KILLING Myself.. :-( :-(
GirlDepressed, I am truly so very sorry for what you are going through. I can completely understand your position; you don't want to hurt your parents or your love. It's such a difficult decision, because I know how important my parents are in my life and it's very difficult when they don't approve. Though, I have come to a place where I will start to stand my ground, but explain my side to them until they really understand it, it doesn't matter how long it takes. I know that there has to be a way that this can work out for you and make you happy. Do you have any siblings or other family members who understand and who can help you through this?
Hello puppydoglvr.. Da thing is my parents hav selected very close relative of ours 4 marriage.. I thought i'll tell to family members.. But since this guy is also 4m our relatives only whole of my family is in favour of this relation only.. Every 1 is happy around.. Every 1 has taken 4 granted tat this shud happen.. NO 1 wants to listen ne thing against this now.. N saddest part is every 1 is so happy tat no 1 is noticing me only.. :-( :-(..
SOmetimes i feel i shud shut my mouth n just let things happen as they r goin... I'm hurt i cry i do all stuff... But ultimately atleast my parents vil b happy..
Tat is wat i hav thought n tryin to do.. But supressing all this to myself is just becomin unbearable day by day.. TAts why found this site n askin 4 help..
I want some solution where i can come back to life.. Can b da way i was b4.. I hav just lost myself.. :-(
Every 1 thanks.. But no 1 can help me... Hav to adjust vit wat every comes.. I dont hav daring to run away n all.. I hav to forget him..I wont kill myself but I fell i may die or go mad forgetting my guy... But now no option.. :-( :-(..
Thanku all.. LEts c where life takes me...
Tryin to keep smilin.. HOpe i do it.. :-( :-(
GirlDepressed, I am truly so sorry for what you are going through and I wish that I could take all of your pain away. I come from a traditional family and I married a man who my family loved and embraced at a young age. All that I wanted to do was to please my family and in the end I suffered tremendously. When I left my husband, I devastated my parents, so they didn't talk to me for a while. I was shunned from my family. It took years to get my relationship back with my family and now it is better than ever. I realize that I have to live my life for me, because I only have one life. I don't want you to go against your family, but if you marry this man you will live in misery. I don't want you to live this way, because it's not living.
Have you explained to your family how depressed and unhappy you are now? Have you expressed that you've even been suicidal? This is very serious. Please know that I am here to help you in any way that I can. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hey puppydoglvr , I hav tried tellin my parents.. I just told every thing.. But according to them they want there daughter to b vit a person who is well setteled.. They dont want there daughter to lead difficult life as da person whom i like is just beginning his career.. My parents feel its just infatuation n it usually happens at this age.. SO they r not takin my feelins seriously.. They r in da opinion once i get married every thing vil b fine.. SO planned of engagement n all..
If it wud b infatuation i wud not hav suffered so much.. I wud not hav hurt myself so much.. :-(
N MY guy got to know abt this engagement thing.. N he is completely out of reach.. HE is not in contact also.. I think he has felt its time to give up.. Wat shud i do.. How shud i tell him i love him.. HE is not there to listen to me also now..
I must hav done some big sin so all my loved once only r makin me suffer.. :-( :-(..
GirlDepressed, you have not done anything wrong at all, please know that. Sometimes we go through these moments in life, and at the time we cannot understand why these things are happening to us. But, later you will be able to look back and hopefully better understand. I don't think that anyone is intentionally wanting you to suffer. Your parents only want the very best for you and in their minds, this man will give you the best life. They look at your boyfriend as someone who will not give you a good life, so for them, it's an easy decision. I am sure that your boyfriend/love is very saddened and you are right, he has probably given up because he doesn't see a future with you only because your parents have already made a decision for you.
Have your parents met your boyfriend and spent any time with him? Can you contact him and let him know how you are feeling? And, can you continue talking with your parents so that they will eventually understand where you are coming from? Maybe it won't happen overnight, but I believe that it can happen. Can you at least express that you don't want to necessarily marry your boyfriend right away, but you would like the opportunity to be with someone who you love and choose?
puppydoglvr, MY guy is my close frnd.. N my parents know him..
WHen they got to know da fact abt my relation they were very depressed.. But they didnt scold me all but lookin at them i started feelin bad.. :-(.. THen they started lookin out 4 other guy 4 me..
As u already know v r at da beginning of our career.. SO he cud not face my parents n talk for our relation.. But luckly after few months v got job.. But now i'm in something n he is very far from me.. V used to talk on calls n all.. But 4m da time he has got to know abt my engagement thing he was just not normal..
N u telling abt askin time n all.. But i'm already 24 - 25 now.. Parents want us to get married by this time.. N abt askin time n all i already told.. But if my guy has to settel n all he needs min of 2-3 years.. MY parents r not ready to wait 4 so long..
But after few days I think he has completly given up.. :-( :-(. In fact at times tried to convince me only to go vit my parents.. I tried but u know i'n not able to.. I kept callin n tellin him but.. :-(.. N 1 fine day he wanted some reason so in call only picked something got wild on me n now completely out of reach..
I know he still loves me.. :-(.. I hav never seen him gettin wild but purposely he did something n now...... :-(.. Wat shud i tell.. Wat shud i do alone.. I don't know wats goin on n wat vil happen..
I think that he is probably very sad and depressed about losing you. And to him, he already lost you to another man. If you are engaged, then he is going to respect that because he loves and cares for you. It's hard for him to communicate with you when you are with another man, so unless you plan on breaking your engagement, I think he will want to keep his distance.
Sweetie its your life, tradition maybe important, but how 'bout your mental health? They want to pick your "happiness" if they disagree with you being happy then their fault. You should be happy with being yourself and your life, if they see it as no not tradition, show them, "i'm happy see". Don't risk your mental health and your joy to be good on their terms, you have a voice and your opinon use it.
Aimeemay, thank you so much for your input and comment here. You gave fantastic advice and guidance, and actually made me think about how much I have always tried to please my parents. For the first time in my life, I am really breaking away and doing what makes me happy and it's so invigorating. It took me a while, but I got here.
Parents do want the very best for us, though it is our lives and it's important that we do what makes us happy. Our parents will always love us and be there for us, as long as they see that we're happy. If they're not happy with a decision from the onset, they'll eventually catch-up and be happy for us.
Thanks? I guess, hmm I've helped. Yay! The highlight of my day.
And did the part to to please my mum and keep her joy, it almost destroyed me, so I know what I mean when I typed that. Sooo many years of comforming for her! Yeah it got her what she wanted at the price of my voice, now I do what I want, if possible, money is an issue.
Aimeemay, you helped a ton, thank you! You are so fabulous! And, wow we can have our own little support group regarding breaking away from wanting to constantly please our parents. It's not an easy thing to do, though somehow my sister never had a problem with it and I looked up to her for that [even though I am older].
I broke away years later, am 18, broke away when 17. Uhh, it was epic! I lived for once in the last six years.
And, isn't it so worth it. Feels so freeing and so invigorating. You suddenly feel like you can do just about anything when you start living for you.